I know I know another article about food, well in case you guys didn't notice I'm a guy so 75% of my day revolves around food so cut me some slack. Besides I'm not going to write about things I know nothing about so I'm going to stick to my bread and butter (pun intended).
Other than food, one of my favorite things is March Madness basketball. The great thing about March Madness is that anything can happen. I decided to combine the two and bring to you people the Ultimate Food Tournament. In March Madness fashion I will have 32 foods/meals and will break them into 4 "regions" breakfast, snacks/appetizers, entrees, and dessert. I took to my Twitter (@YaBoyFlan) to get a feel for what the people like.
However, as the past has shown, I have superior tastebuds to most people so this bracket will mostly reflect my own tastes, so I'll present the seeds for each region and then break it down. I'll write a brief breakdown for each matchup, but if you want to skip the explanation you'll be missing out, but I used images for those that are too lazy to read. P.S it took me about 20 minutes to figure out how to screenshot all this stuff because I wasn't going to buy the Excel software for a Mac, I don't get paid enough for that.
1) Breakfast Sandwiches vs 8) Oatmeal
Breakfast sandwiches when done right are nearly unstoppable, their one downfall is the effort that is put into making them, a lot of components lead to mistakes. Then there is oatmeal, quick and easy oatmeal is a simple breakfast. However it just can't match up with the flavors of breakfast sandwiches.
4) Pancakes vs 5) Waffles
A step above French Toast, pancakes and waffles can stand alone without syrup because they are filled with toppings, whether it be chocolate chips, blueberries, etc. This one is truly a toss up, but nothing beats biting into the nooks and crannies of a waffle that has a puddle of syrup and chocolate chips in it so I'm giving waffles the win on this one.
3) Donuts vs 6) French Toast
As my main squeeze Homer Simpson would say "Mmmm Donuts" they truly bring joy to any situation, that is why they sell them by the dozen, to brighten up the day for people on a larger scale. French Toast to me is only as good as the maple syrup you put on it (if you don't put syrup on your french toast you might as well put cardboard in your mouth), so donuts coast through this round.
2) Omelettes vs 7) Cereal
Omelettes are similar to breakfast sandwiches, but lack the crunch of a bagel or toast. Cereal is similar to oatmeal when it comes to ease, but it is above oatmeal, so that's why I'm giving cereal the win over omelettes, because truly I've never had an outstanding omelet in my life.
Snacks and Appetizers
1) Nachos vs. 8) Mozzarella Sticks
Melted cheese can truly make anything taste good, and that stands true in this round. Nachos are the Dream Team of food, crunchy chips, melted cheese, chicken,sour cream, lettuce, and guacamole all come together to form a formidable threat. I've had nachos from high scale restaurants, and from Taco Bell which is the opposite end of the spectrum but never have I had bad nachos. I have, however, had bad mozzarella sticks, they are pretty bland without the sauce on the side so nachos reign supreme in this matchup.
4) PB+J Sandwich vs 5)Goldfish
To many people a PB+J isn't a snack, but for me they are not filling enough to be an entree, and goldfish you can eat by the handful and not feel bad about yourself, but on sheer taste and nostalgia I'm going with PB+J sandwiches.
3) Potato chips vs 6) Popcorn
I love Potato chips, they are a perfect complement to sandwiches, but popcorn (especially from movie theaters) may barely be a step above potato chips, because nothing is worse than the gross feeling you have after eating chips. So I'm taking popcorn over chips because I hate feeling like a fat slob.
2) Buffalo Wings vs 7) Potato Skins
Buffalo anything is delicious. Spicy, crunchy wings can be found on most menus, and catches my eye most of the time. However, I have a soft spot in my heart for potato skins, mostly for the melted cheese factor I stated previously, but the wings narrowly edge out potato skins here.
1) Tacos/ Burritos vs 8) Ribs
Two of the messier entrees out there, but the thing about ribs is they need BBQ sauce, and a lot of it to make them taste good, so burritos and tacos get the win in this matchup.
4) Steak and Mashed Potatoes vs 5) Chicken Parm
A United States classic vs Italian classic, at the end of the day nothing beats a big, juicy, steak and fluffy mashed potatoes smothered in gravy.
3) Pizza vs 6) Mac and Cheese
Yeah I like cheese, so do 99% of Americans, so it makes sense that most items on the list have cheese. Mac and Cheese has more cheese, and there is a thing known as Buffalo Chicken Mac and Cheese that pizza can't contend with.
2) Cheeseburgers vs 7) Chicken Fingers and Fries
Chicken Fingers and Fries is a sleeper here, because often times burgers are not so good, but there is no such thing as a bad batch of chicken fingers, so fingers and fries pulls the upset here.
1) Ice Cream vs 8) Apple Pie
This is just a case of which makes the other one better, and the easy answer is ice cream makes pie better so Ice Cream wins.
4) Cookies vs Brownies
This one is a toss up, but I have to pick brownies because they are almost always soft and gooey, whereas after a few days cookies are hard and need milk.
3) Cupcakes vs 6) Cheesecake
Cupcakes are a tough food to eat, if you eat them with your hands you have to eat the frosting first or else you make a mess, if you eat it with a fork, you're a poindexter. So for all these reasons, and the fact that cheesecake has the word cheese in it, cupcakes is blown out.
2) Chocolate Cake vs 7) Pudding
If I was 40 years older I'd go with pudding, but because I don't get a senior discount at Dunkin Donuts, I have to pick chocolate cake to show people I'm hip.
1) Breakfast Sandwiches vs 5) Waffles
Sweet vs savory, crispy outside with a soft interior, I go with sweet 9 times out of 10 so waffles win mainly because they have chocolate chips in them.
3) Donuts vs 7) Cereal
Cereal got through to this round on the basis that it is a quick, and easy breakfast, well donuts are too, and they are 10x better than cereal.
1) Nachos vs 4) PB+J
Mexican food holds a special spot in my heart and stomach, but put that aside and nachos are still better they have so many components that make nachos so delicious
6) Popcorn vs 2) Buffalo Wings
Movie theater popcorn may be delicious, but nothing is more aggravating than getting kernels stuck between your teeth. Buffalo wings have more flavor so when some chicken gets stuck in your teeth, at least you have a snack late at night; nobody wants to eat a plain popcorn kernel.
1) Burritos/tacos vs 4) Steak and Mashed Potatoes
I've never had a bad taco or a bad burrito, but I have had poorly made steaks, with some clumpy potatoes. So the tightly packed burritos and crispy tacos surpass the steak and potatoes.
6) Mac and Cheese vs 7) Chicken Fingers and Fries
This matchup isn't really all that close, which would you rather have as a child? Chicken and fries or Mac and Cheese, just a no brainer, chicken fingers all the way
1) Ice Cream vs Brownies
Ice Cream has a considerable advantage over brownies in this matchup because of brownie batter ice cream, one of my personal favorites and until there is such a thing as ice cream brownies, ice cream will win this matchup.
6) Cheesecake vs Chocolate Cake
The down side to chocolate cake is that often times it is very dry, and unappetizing, there is no such thing as dry cheesecake so consistency leads cheesecake to win.
5) Waffles vs 3) Donuts
Chocolate frosted donuts vs chocolate chip waffles, two iconic breakfast choices. This is probably the closest matchup I've come across so far, but waffles need syrup to taste better, donuts don't need anything so donuts advances to the final four.
1) Nachos vs 2) Buffalo Wings
I never thought I would say this, but nachos just don't stack up with the crispy, spicy buffalo wings. So nachos had a good run but it comes to an end against a quality opponent.
1) Taco/Burritos vs 7) Chicken Fingers and Fries
I know I'm going to catch a lot of flack for this but chicken fingers is such a notch above burritos and tacos. They are just so simple yet delicious, I could eat the chicken fingers from Applebees every day. Chicken Fingers and Fries are so good grown men still eat them at restaurants and that's a fact.
1) Ice Cream vs 6) Cheesecake
Ice Cream easy pick next question please.
3) Donuts vs 2) Buffalo Wings
This is a tricky part of the bracket because they are two different types of food, soft fluffy donuts vs crispy, spicy buffalo wings. Personally, I'd rather have donuts than wings so donuts advance to the finals.
7) Chicken Fingers and Fries vs 1) Ice Cream
Similar to last round, it's two different types of foods, so I ask myself at midnight which type of food would I rather have because midnight is like a blank canvas. Under these conditions I have to pick chicken fingers and fries.
3) Donuts vs 7) Chicken Fingers and Fries
I have to apply the same conditions I did for the previous round, I place myself in my room at midnight with a plate of donuts, and a plate of chicken fingers so which do I pick? Answer is Donuts without hesitation, they are just too good to resist. So go get yourself a donut.