In every individual's life, there is a limit as to how much, or how little, control we have over a given situation. Sometimes we create problems when there are none, and other times life tests you and you are put in places where you would rather be anywhere but the idea of disappearing.
When we are left to handle things for ourselves we allow our hands only endeavoring to caress and create into a world of unspoken dreams. While the body itself is still functioning in its course, it is the mind that is most active and fully engaged providing life to the world. It is no different than the sudden engagement and "awakening" we feel right before trying to fall asleep. We replay scenes in our heads, practice conversations we would want to say, have endless "what ifs," make plans for the next day, think of all the people we miss, and the ones we hate; all of which lead us to ask questions with an excessive number of open tabs.
When the body sleeps the spirit travels and performs the actions out of sub-consciousness. It is a sense of fight or flight, or in other words our body’s inborn, primitive, or automatic response meeting the needs to our survival. It is a sequence of nerve cells and chemical release that prepares our body in essence to run or fight. When our bare bones so choose to sprint, it constructs immense amounts of muscle movement and physical exertion prior to its concluding calmness once again. As humans, naturally it is uncommon to count breaths, or become aware of somatic responsibilities such as inhalation and exhale. We simply "be." It is an outer body experience. You are exploring the deepest thoughts of your very own involuntary and using the greatest tool for self-reflection and self-discovery.
Think of it as a dream. They do not happen without reason as there is a hidden drive behind it stimulating the force. Lucid dreaming cannot be described or explained with words, but only once someone experiences a lucid dream do they truly understand it. Performing does this for a dancer. It is a reverie to show forth all of one's hard work and progress thus far while "being" in the moment and taking in as much experience as getting out. These occurrences we remember fluidly.
There comes an instance, however, where one has almost gone too far into this vision that she disappears- physically present but mentally absent- completely surrendering into the movement. It is the physiological state where all we have left is ourselves uttering delusional muscle memories of 5, 6, 7, 8 or 7, 8, 9, 10 if you are familiar with the Graham technique. It is the body and mind declaring I am open, and ready to receive.
The universe not only hears you, it holds out its hands to help. You cannot buy a picture of this spark, but that is the thing about artists as you are buying more than an object. You are buying hundreds of hours of errors and experimentation. You are buying years of frustration and moments of pure joy. You are not buying just one thing; you are buying a piece of a heart, a piece of a soul, a small piece of someone else's life. There is no price tag for the dancer who has lost sight of feeling in her body or merely forfeited contact. Because of these feels, seeing sunspot patterns or green lights included, the average dancer is willing to work for free.
Ever witness a person sleepwalking? Notice how they are in attendance, but their mind is the leader in which they step. Although it may seem like they are lost, in truth they know exactly where they are going and make their way back into reality. Or perhaps it is comparable to someone floating in a swimming pool for it is additionally measured as swimming but there is also the idea of submission in a diverse context.
Regardless, when given the question of explaining the instigation, genesis, or even actualization of this "numbness,” the easiest and most attainable answer would be complete freedom emitted both psychologically and corporal. As an English-American political activist and philosopher, Thomas Paine once stated, “Those who would enjoy the blessings of freedom, must… undergo the fatigue of supporting it.” For the dancer holding her adrenaline on stage one show after the next, ultimately, it is all but a process of becoming a better version of one’s self. Many dance, but not all live. The hours are given to us, and it is our job to decipher how we use them. And remember, a single dream has more supremacy over a thousand realities, a fantasy in your mind will lead the way.
