If we are being truthfully honest here, there are no words. There are no words to describe the pain or that void. But I can try and convey it to you. My sister was the best big sister you could ask for. She may have been eleven years older than me, but we were best friends. She played with me, joked around with me, dressed me up in hair and make-up, and even bought me things. I was her own little barbie doll, but now, those are just fading memories. Laughs I won't get to share with her again. Instead, they are replaced by pictures and stories that I am told because I was too young to truly remember.
You see, I've grown up with a different kind of normal. I don't know what it feels like to be asked "how many siblings do you have," and give a simple answer. Rather, my answer consists of, "well I have three sisters but one passed away in a car accident." Sure, I could just say I have three, but it never fails that there is always the follow up question of "how old are they," or "where do they live?" It also never fails that I have to deal with that awkward moment of their condolences, or just a blank stare because they don't know what to say. In that moment, we have that in common.
I've also grown up with her missing major milestones in my life, and my siblings lives. Graduations, weddings, births, etc. all of which she never got to see, or do. While people are celebrating the good times, there is always that little stab to the chest that she isn't there to participate in the festivities.
As I write this article, it is National Siblings Day. Which is nice. I am glad everyone gets to post on social media how much they love their siblings and how they don't know what they'd do without them. Trust me, you don't want to imagine it. But what really gets me is when people complain about their siblings, or say that they don't like them. But if they were gone, you would realize just how much you love and appreciate them.
What I can tell you about losing a sibling is that you learn to appreciate the little things in life. You learn to love more. It brings a family closer together. You become more understanding. You don't hold grudges or stay mad for too long. You learn that it is okay to not be strong sometimes and that it is okay to cry. It puts life in perspective for you and how short life really can be.
Losing a sibling is not easy. It should be against the rules, but until it is, these are the cards I have been dealt.
