We can all agree that goodbyes are the worst. Whether it's saying goodbye to someone close to you after a weekend spent together, knowing you'll see them again, letting go of people you know won't be in your forever path, or departing with a loved one as they're on their way to a life after death.
In the past year, I have had to say goodbye to my close friends and family in all three of those ways. I said goodbye to my family when I moved away to college and then said goodbye to the friends I made there when I moved back home. I said goodbye to a long-time best friend of mine because our paths will no longer cross. I was robbed of a goodbye to my grandpa as he was taken suddenly from this life. Each of those goodbyes hurt me, all in different ways.
When we say goodbye to the people we know we'll see again, it's bittersweet. Bitter because saying goodbye to someone we will probably see again in a few days is still kind of sad. For example, being best friends with someone means that you two are as close as family. And being around family as much as possible is perfect for some people. It's sweet because we know that it isn't goodbye forever. Even though we may not know when the next time we'll see that person will be, we still know that our friendship or relationship has growing to do.
That is the best kind of goodbye, because it's not so much of a goodbye as it is a, "see you soon." That kind of goodbye is full of hope and joy. It's the kind of goodbye that we don't have to look at and cry about. Yes, saying, "see you soon" hurts because we don't want to be apart from someone, but it is full of hope because we can look forward to seeing that person again.
Then there is the goodbye to someone close to us that we might not want to say goodbye to. It's saying goodbye to a love, or to a friend we've drifted away from, or letting go of someone that is no good for us. It's not a, "see you soon." It's more like, "I wish the best for you, and this may possibly be the last time we ever talk."
"It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over," (Paulo Coelho - The Zahir).
These goodbyes could easily be the hardest we will ever have to go through. We have to grieve the loss of someone who is still alive. Even if the goodbye is something we desperately want or need, there is no sweetness to it; it's just bitter. As we feel ourselves drifting away from a close friend, or we come to the decision to let someone go because we must pursue our own life paths and grow in what God has in store for us, we must allow it all. We must accept it, face it, mourn it, find new joy through it and move on from it. Even though it may be something that is necessary, it hurts just as much as any other goodbye. But there is hope through that still. There is hope that we move on from this person and that we embrace the life set before us by none other than Jesus Himself. If Jesus closes that door, we need to know that it is for our own good and that He has so much more in store for us (reference Ephesians 3:20).
I say that goodbye is the hardest, possibly even harder than the goodbye of death, because there is nothing we can do about death. Death, as hard as it is, is final, complete and constant. When a loved one dies, we must say goodbye forever. As much as it wrecks us, there is bliss in even that. Saying goodbye to someone who is still alive pains us more because we live among the earth with them still. There is nothing holding us back from reconnecting, yet, we cannot do it because they are no longer good for us or those people will no longer aid and support us in this life. Saying goodbye forever to someone who leaves this earth has sweetness in it because they still loved us and wanted us and it was a mutual feeling.
It pains our souls deeply when we lose a person close to us because it seems that a part of our heart was ripped out, never able to be retrieved again. Now, as much as that actually sounds like the hardest goodbye, it isn't. It isn't the hardest because we know that God takes the righteous away when it is their time and to spare them from evil. As it says in Isaiah, "The righteous man perishes and no one takes it to heart; And devout men are taken away while no one understands. For the righteous man is taken away from evil, he enters into peace; they rest in their beds, each one who walked in his upright way," (Isaiah 57:1-2).
Those two verses tell us that God is faithful even to death for those who walk with Him. If the person close to us dies and they believe in Jesus and are saved, and we are in the same place, parting from them is not scary. It may be hard because we do have to continue on without them, but it is not something to be feared because we will see them again one day. As for those close to us who are not saved, when they are close to death and we are exhausted from helping them reach heaven when they leave earth, then we must be joyful in the little time we do have with them here. Saying goodbye to them may take a piece of our heart out, but at least they have that to carry with them.
In life, everybody must say goodbye in each of these ways. If there were no "see you laters," then each time we see someone again wouldn't be sweet. If we didn't have to let people go, possibly forever, to pursue different life paths, there would be no growth in us as individuals. And if our loved ones never departed, there would be nothing worth living for, as we wouldn't be able to see them in heaven where there are no more goodbyes.
The truth about goodbyes is this: it is a necessary part of life. While saying goodbye isn't easy and isn't fun, there can still be joy, hope and peace found there. As I said, this past year, I have had multiple accounts of each goodbye and all of them hurt. But in saying goodbye to friends and family to leave on a new adventure, I found hope that I would see them again. In letting go of friends as we are called to different places, I found joy because I know that the Lord will guide our paths as we continue to follow Him. In enduring my grandpa leave this world, I have found peace, because I have the expectation to see him again in heaven.
To you all, as you are facing these goodbyes in your life, I pray that you will search for the joy, hope and peace that each of them brings. I pray that you not only feel the bitterness of them, but that you taste a little bit of sweetness.
I believe that we are so blessed to have opportunities to meet people among our way that have such a great impact on us. I will leave you with one quote that will give us the encouragement and some strength we need when we are faced with the trial of goodbye.
"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -Winnie the Pooh
