Divorce--it's something we all know about. We may not all have dealt with it first hand, but I'm sure a good chunk of us have. It's something that I wish wasn't necessary, but sadly in this day in age the divorce rate is too high in my opinion. Many people rush into marriage, whereas if they would have waited, the problems could have been avoided all together.
I am a child of divorce, as well as part of a divorce. I got married in 2011, and my divorce was just finalized at the end of March 2017. We were apart for most of the time we were married. When I say apart, I don't mean just in different places. We were separated and seeing other people for the majority of our marriage, and living in different states.
All my life, I have been against divorce. I swore to myself, that if and when I got married, that would be it, for the rest of my life.
What I wouldn't give for that to have been true, but everything happens for a reason. That is one thing I have come to believe and see is completely true as life has went on.
I always told myself that when I finally got divorced, I was going to throw a party. That never happened, although I did have a feeling of relief when it was finally over. The only unfortunate part was that it scared me. For nearly 6 years, I was someone's wife whether we were together or not.
Even though we have both moved on, I just keep thinking, "What am I supposed to do now?" I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, and the fact that its over, scares me because I don't know what's next. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to feel, or even what right or wrong is at the moment.
As everything else in life, this all began with a meeting. I was 21, very young, and in love with the idea of love, and marriage. April 2011, enter my ex-husband, a sweet, handsome young soldier in the U.S Army. We seemed like the perfect match from the very start. Less than a month later, I was planning a wedding: ours.
Why so soon, you ask? It wasn't our idea, at first. He was scheduled to leave for 6 months on a funeral detail, and couldn't very well take care of me from there. So, in order for him to take care of me, we decided to get married. Little did we know, he was being sent to Louisiana for training that very week, for a month.
So, while he was away, I planned. We had planned to have a simple courthouse wedding upon his return. However, I was fortunate, and stumbled upon a program called "Weddings for Warriors".
It's a program that provides soldiers with their wedding, free of charge, provides a venue, photography, and even a dress for the bride, if they so choose.
They offered me 2 venues, a beach wedding, or at a banquet hall. We all know that I'm a Florida girl, so to me, there was only one option.
I chose the beach wedding, and it really was a dream come true. My dad came from Florida, and I was so happy that he was there.
Fast forward about a year, and we had been through it a little too much for it to be the "honeymoon phase". Anyways, we left Georgia (where he was stationed), and went to Tennessee to live with his sister. Our problems just seemed to escalate so I decided to leave, and I went back home to Florida.
It was difficult, but I slowly began to move on with my life. For three and a half years, he asked me to come back. I always found a reason and the strength to say no, but we never got divorced.
In September 2015, I reached out to him and told him I wanted to try once more. (Let's keep in mind that he was currently living in Indianapolis, Indiana, and I was in Jacksonville, Florida.) He was more than willing to invite me back into his life.
Lots of people tried to talk me out of going back to him, but I loved him, and still do to this day.
We made an agreement that we would try to make our marriage work one more time. If it worked, then fabulous, but if not, that we wouldn't carry it on any longer. An agreement that we stuck to.
Less than a week later, my entire life was in boxes, and I was on a plane (for the first time EVER!) and on my way to Indiana. Seeing him after so long was more emotional that I imagined, but at the same time, I felt so much relief. I felt like I had made the right decision.
As time went by, everything seemed to revert back to the way it was. In July 2016, our marriage came to an end. It was painful, but life goes on. I still care for him, as I always will, but I am a firm believer that everything in this life happens for a reason. Eight months later brings us to the present day. We are officially divorced, and we are both moved on with our lives.
We still talk often, and he'll always be a part of my life.
Decisions impact us every day. None of them are right or wrong.
The moral of the story is this: Marriage and love is beautiful when it's taken nice and slow. It's not something you should ever rush into for exactly this reason. I believe that if we hadn't rushed into marriage, that things would be very different today. We might be happily married, or we may have never gotten married at all.
Divorce is not something that anyone should have to go through. It can be ugly, nasty, and more stressful than it's worth. I was fortunate that we had nothing to fight over, and just wanted it to be done.
I think that the most difficult thing about moving on from a divorce is trying to rediscover who you are. Just remember that you are stronger than you think you are. I'm still struggling to believe and accept that. Life is a series of tests, and for me, I'd have to say I'm overcoming them, and so are you.
In conclusion, don't rush, enjoy getting to know each other, learn one another, and know that marriage can always come later. Where marriage is easy to get into, its not always easy to get out.
