"We met years ago; a random chain of events that eventually led two completely different people to exchange phone numbers and become friends.
It's mental how quickly we connected.
We would laugh at the same jokes, laugh at each other's laughs and just laugh because we couldn't stop laughing. We would hold entire conversations in our own language and probably sounded insane to any innocent strangers who happen to pass by the two of us sitting on that park bench.
And for years we were "just friends." Everyone knew where one went, the other followed.
One day that all changed.
I don't think either of us could pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but suddenly that accidental brush of the hand was accompanied by a rush of excitement, and the late nights spent laying under the stars were filled with non-stop butterflies and stolen glances.
Somewhere along the way, we fell in love.
Our long-term friendship made our new relationship easier. We trusted each other and shared the most intimate parts of who we were; secrets and stories we never thought we would reveal to anyone.
We thought we were lucky to be in love with someone who started out as "just a friend."
Time passed and out relationship started to crumble and eventually we broke up.
We did not speak to each other for months. We unfriended each other on social media and stopped hanging out with friends we had in common with each other.
For months I felt like I didn't have a best friend anymore.
Until one day he called saying he wanted to be "just friends" again. I thought it would be easy. We were friends for years before we started dating so why can't we still be friends now?
We knew too much about each other.
Both physically and emotionally. It was hard not to fall back into old habits. Now that he was back in my life, I wanted to share so much of it with him. When I saw the movie we went on our first date to, I wanted to text him and tell him. When my close friends were fighting, I wanted to vent to him and have him close.
But I couldn't do those things. It's different now.
Knowing he could replace me in the future, sucks.
As good as it felt to be back in his life, I knew there would be another girl he would want to text until 4 a.m. and another girl he would want to go see a movie with.
Even though I was not still in love with him, I couldn't handle being replaced.
Things will never be like they were before.
I watched him Snapchat stories, his Instagram posts and his Twitter feed just to keep up with the parts of his new life that I was no longer a part of. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself, it still sucked to be excluded from things that used to be ours.
Being "just friends" after being in love with someone is its own form of torture. You try to play by the rules and not overstep boundaries, but it doesn't always work out that way. "
