Finding a new job is the worst. Just look at the thousand yard stare you see when you ask a friend about their job search. They're seeing glitchy application websites. They're seeing the 50+ usernames and passwords they've been forced to create for each. They're reliving awkward phone screenings and sweaty in-person interviews, and they're racking their minds over the inevitable rejections they've piled up.
Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator
Here are some translations that might help.
11) "We have a different (crappy) role you might fit ..."
Translation: Our janitor needs an assistant. Of course, you'll need to apply again ...
10) "It was a really tough decision for us..."
Translation: Ugh, my job is so hard sometimes. At least I have a job though, unlike you. Keep your head up.
9) "The panel had great things to say ..."
Translation: They had good things to say, then they didn't. They really started slamming you toward the end.
8) "We loved having you, but ..."
Translation: Yeah, there's no way in hell we're giving you this job. You're an OK person though so please don't do anything crazy.
7) "We had so many strong candidates ..."
Translation: Man you really should have met Evan, he was fantastic -- so much better than you. Evan knows Excel! We're popular.
6) "That position was dissolved ..."
Translation: You did so terribly we decided we don't actually need to put ourselves through this. Great job, you ruined it for everyone.
Translation: F*** off.
4) "Let's stay in touch ..."
Translation: "Don't worry, it's not over ... "Has he left yet? Does he know it's over? Let's call Evan back."
3) "You're still in our system ..."
Translation: This nightmare can continue if that's really what you want.
2) "You don't have enough experience ..."
Translation: You're nothing like Evan. Evan speaks Spanish and was Prom King, isn't it awesome that our company is able to hire guys like Evan? We're great.
1) "You have too much experience ..."
Translation: There's no way we can pay you enough, at least not enough to keep you. We are NOT going through another hiring process in a few months so f*** off.