I've been studying English at my university for nearly four years and have, subsequently, encountered my fair share of fellow English majors. I feel like English majors, widely, have the reputation of being snarky, snobby and all too serious. I am here, writing this post today, to tell you that this is not true. We're not all like that, honestly. And those of us who are like that, have good reason to be.
I've come up with a foolproof categorization of English majors that I am going to try and convey to you today... With GIFs of Harry Styles as visual aides:
Author's Note: Broad generalizations to follow.
Tier #1: The Top Tier
These English majors are probably what those not in the know would perceive all of us to be like. They're extremely intelligent, across the board, and most of them actually try in class. They sit in the front row and actively participate. They laugh at all your professor's bad jokes, and not for the same reason you're laughing at them (because you desperately need to pull off a B in this course), but because they actually understand the jokes. They're the only people keeping up with your professor's ridiculous reading assignments; the one's they give to you with the aim of monopolizing all of your time, as if you have no other classes or responsibilities. They read Tolstoy for fun, on top of all their other assignments. That's right, they're on top of all their coursework and still have time to read for fun. I have chosen to represent them as Hot-Asshole-Harry-Styles-at-the-VMAS.gif, because this is their reaction every time someone of a lower tier tries to participate in class... And justifiably so.
#2: The Middle Tier
There's a lot of guilt that comes with this title, and I would know firsthand. This category holds a hearty majority of us. Middle tier English majors love books... We love reading. That's why we became English majors! But we just cannot keep up with the excessive reading. We have a deep appreciation of literature, but a lacking motivation to act upon it. We're the kids in class who nod and avoid eye contact with our professor, because we want to put on the illusion that we're Top Tier... We'll never be Top though, and we'll never admit that we want to be. Because we're intimated by them. We avoid participating in classes because we're horrified of being embarrassed. Some days, we brush up on our Shmoops or Sparknotes or, heaven forbid, actually read a portion of the novel, and then we'll participate as if the world was ending. Because we need those participation points... That's how we get those B's. B's get degrees, baby! I have chosen Dazed-and-Confsused-Hazza GIF because that's how Middle Tier English majors look when they get called on in class and haven't read in three months. The white words across the screen sum it all up.
Tier #3: The Bottom Tier
If you're a bottom tier English major, you're probably proud of it. Bottom tiers can sometimes be assholes, but a different kind of asshole than a Tier #1 major. Tier #3 majors decided to study English because they were all, "Hey, I speak English. Awesome." They're usually not afraid to participate, because they know they're relying on any sort of participation points to pass. I specifically remember having a class with a Tier #3 who would just raise their hand and say whatever came to their mind to answer a question. They were never right, and they never made any effort, but they definitely did not fail the class. When you ask a Tier #3 English major what Shakespeare and Yeats and Frost have in common, they would say:
