There are multiple types of people when it comes to texting. Did you know there are actually people among us, on this very earth, that still don't know what "lol" means. Catch up, people! Good grief. It appears that some are catching on much faster than others, so the stragglers have a few things to read up on. I have recently come to the conclusion that my best skill is reading too deeply into texts. (I guess parents took things the wrong way through snail mail? idk [idk= I don't know]). In reality, how is one supposed to take these excerpts of brain without tone? For example, the word "sure" irks me. If "sure" is an appropriate answer, then it was clearly a yes or no question. Take notes.
1. Mom, when you text me that you love me, the only necessary punctuation is "!!!" or leave it alone.
The "." sends every human under 25 into a panic that you are not only upset but probably pretty ticked off.
2. K, k, kk, ok, OK, Ok, Okay, okay, okayyyy- (please help!) All allow for different connotations.
The K's should seriously be eliminated. It does not take any more time to put an O in front of them, so just do it. Honestly, the safest bet is "Okay" and maybe a few "!!!" to make it more exciting. Whatever you do, never send "Oh" unless you are m.a.d.
3. The famous "..."
I mean, for real, what do these even mean? Is there more to the story? Am I supposed to finish your sentence? It's confusing...
4. Let's just put this on the table. AN EMOJI IS NOT A CONVERSATION. There is a keyboard, use it!
I will be the first to admit that I put an emoji in close to every text, but it goes along with the words I typed. Duhhhh.
5. While we are on emojis, :) & (: are so 2005, get the app.
6. If one sends a well thought out, 22 line text, the proper response would be more than a "You right!" because, dude, now you wrong.
7. If you are going to have your reads on, text the heck back!
8. Autocapitalization.
It's a good thing. It picks you up when you're down. Keep it on. The friendship will be measured by how many texts are sent with an uncapitalized "i". More than 4 will get questionable.
9. Oh, my goodness. The "u," "luv" and "r" people, get out. I mean, 4real.
10. Dad, it's a text, not an email. A subject line is irrelevant.
11. It is understandable that you might not want to text back right away, and rightfully so, but don't give yourself away by liking and commenting on every Social Media platform known to man.
12. "Sorry" without an "I'm." Hmmmm. Are you? Are you really?
13. Grandpa, I love your texts. They are my favorite. BUT to save you 3 seconds of retirement, you don't have to sign off.
I promise I took the time to insert you in this new thing called Contacts. (It's kind of like a phone book, but better!)
14. Timing.
One simply cannot respond to a text two days later as if 48 hours hadn't passed. Girl, that ship sailed.
15. A double text. A triple text. A quadruple text.
(I'll be the only person EVER to tell you they are a-okay.) Hey, some people's thoughts come in shifts or multiple texts. But just so you can't say I didn't warn you, there are some Cotton headed ninny muggins out there that get annoyed. Trust me, they'll get over it.
Needless to say, a texting bible would be a nice addition to the world right about now. I could use a list of do's and don't's because apparently, I overanalyze these white mind bubbles. Punctuation means everything. No punctuation is usually the best bet, unless you are trying to impress the cute guy with comma placements. And now we can "like", "love" or even "HAHA" messages, which is a different problem all on its own. Stay tuned for Volume 2 where we address Texting Emotions.
