It's time I talked about this; I need to get it off my chest. There are some things you just can't stay silent about. This is my love/hate relationship with county fairs. It's an endless cycle that I cannot escape.
THE GAMES
There's something magical about winning a goldfish or earning that massive stuffed Pikachu that's slightly bigger than a grown man. Heart rates are soaring, my blood pressure is high. The five corndogs, two chili-cheese fries, and the massive funnel cake I ate two minutes ago have turned me into a ticking time-bomb of endless possibilities: heart-attack, diarrhea, constipation, nausea and vomiting, seizure, gas-attack, or no symptom at all? Well, it's a surprise people.
Those friendly men at the game stations keep offering INCREDIBLE deals on rings and balls to throw at various objects. They're so nice, non-obtrusive, and never say rude things to me like your average every-day vendor. I've never found a better deal on a goldfish than the time I spent $15 and nearly had a panic-attack when my last bouncy ball didn't land in the little cup. *extreme sarcasm may have been used*
I figured my beer pong skills would translate over, but apparently I was wrong (it's okay mom, I play with water not beer – #StayHydrated).
THE SMELLS
You've never lived until you've skipped every meal of the day so you'll have plenty of room for fair food. There's something spiritually enlightening about walking into a fair while dying from starvation. The smell of cheap buttered popcorn, fried bread, boiled meat, and ripe Port-O-Potties never ceases to widen my perspective on life.
Why do dangerous things to see your life flash before your eyes when you can simply fast before going to a County Fair? Why do Port-O-Potties mysteriously smell like a sterile version of everything I am eating? Why is everyone blowing cigarette smoke in my face? Why am I struggling do breathe? Some mysteries can only be experienced.
THE RIDES
I don't know what is more comforting, Disney World or the County Fair. Regardless, nothing is safer than placing your life in the hands of over-weight and/or deathly thin men and women who look like they haven't slept in two months and may have drinking problems as you flip upside down at high speeds on a ride that was constructed in two days after being driven through a massive rain storm.
All sarcasm aside, the thrill of defying gravity while loosely buckled into a cheap rollercoaster seat really gets your blood flowing. I'm a thrill seeker. It may not be the craziest thing I've done, but it's definitely a good time. That's all fairs are really about: having a good time.
