With the recent heat waves (not the ones you can surf), I've been reflecting on all the benefits of this suffocatingly humid weather. What a time to be alive, everyone in their sweaty prime. Love it.
1. Frizz on frizz on frizz
Good news, no need to try at all with your hair because it will only be ruined by being sucked into the frizzy vortex of humidity. It leaves a nice little halo of fuzz around your head, how thoughtful. It's even better when sweat droplets start to form around your temples and neck, which when mixed with the frizzy hair, creates an almost unearthly experience. The combination of moist, frizzy baby hairs tickling your neck all day is unlike anything else, making its own category of disgusting. Thank goodness we have this special phenomenon to experience in these conditions.2. A second shower
Do you ever just wish you could have a second self-automated, sweat-induced shower? Same. It's so refreshing when you get out of the shower, to only have your whole body covered in sweat just an hour later due to the extreme heat. I just love that feeling. Now I don't even have to shower again! How convenient!
3. Constant swamp butt
What a great feeling when you sit down, every time, you feel as if you sat in a puddle. Again, so refreshing. Plus, it gives you the opportunity to change your outfit multiple times a day to avoid the sweaty plague of swamp butt! More opportunities for fashion that will only get ruined!
4. Sweat-able clothing only!
This is when you scour your closet for the most sweat-able clothing. Dark colors only, to avoid easily visible pit stains. Nothing too clingy or too tight, so as to not reveal your ever-present sweat waterfalls. Polyester, velvet or rayon? Ha, good luck with covering up your back-sweat in that! You delight in the almost impossible challenge of figuring out what to wear that's breathable and sweat-able! Eventually your sweating gives way to unfortunate twitching, shown above, and then your life goes downhill from there.
5. Free exfoliation
Hot leather car seats, or any seat for that matter, are like a free exfoliant. Every time you peel off your thighs when getting out of the car in the summer, a layer of skin is ripped off. But don't worry, at least your skin is kept nice and fresh. Who needs those skin cells anyway!? Free exfoliating services? How nice!
6. Surprise breathing exercises
In case your lung capacity was feeling a little lackluster, the humidity has you covered. During this intense heat wave, the second you walk outside you are hit with a wall of suffocating, humid air. Good thing this is beneficial to your health. You immediately start breathing at an accelerated rate to compensate for the minimal oxygen intake. It's like you signed up for a breathing exercise class without even knowing it! Humidity is always looking out for you to make sure you're at your best! It always wants you to fight for your life and exert yourself as much as possible while doing leisurely activities. Good thing you know what it's like to feel your lungs collapse in on you from the smothering air!...good life experiences. What a blessing we have all around us, constantly, with no escape.
Things to take away: you don't need to shower or even try with any hair care products since your efforts will only prove to be useless in a matter of 0.7 seconds. You get the opportunity to change your outfit multiple times a day due to sweating damage. You have free exfoliation services whenever you sit down. Finally, you'll always be reminded that your lung capacity is weaker than it should be. An extra plus--even if it rains, the storm won't break the heat! Literally nothing can stop the heat wave's death-inducing grip on us...what a treat! More benefits for us! Bless up, y'all.
