I like to think that I'm a guy's girl - I like to be rough and tough playing football, I'm down to talk about the hottest girls at the party, and I'll do whatever I can to hook one of my friends up with those girls. I'm also a feminist. I'm a feminist for many reasons but primarily because I believe in the equality of the sexes. I believe that every woman deserves to be treated the same as every man - whether that refers to salary, the way I am spoken to as I walk down the street, or even splitting the bill at dinner. This week was an example of the struggles women who enjoy "hanging out with the guys" experience because let's face it - it's a boys club out there.
This past weekend, I went to New York with my boyfriend to visit our mutual friend and a lot of the time ended up being spent with our guy friends from high school. I've never before been so immersed in such a chauvinistic experience in my life and the saddest part is these friends had no idea that their actions were discriminatory. Let's take a look:
(Keep in mind that I was the only girl present in all of these moments.)
1. When You are Literally Passed Over During Introductions
No, I'm not kidding. Sat on a couch and almost every single male that came into the apartment went to shake hands with the guy next to me then averted eye contact and moved on to the guy on the other side of me. Sometimes they came back around to individually introduce themselves to me but the majority just ignored my presence. This is why we need feminism.
2. When You are Introduced as "Alex's Girlfriend" Opposed to Your Name
When I got introduced by a mutual friend my boyfriend and I share, he would introduce my boyfriend Alex first and then me - which is fine because they were friends first. What doesn't make sense is that I couldn't be introduced as myself, it had to be attached to Alex.
Am I not allowed to be present when I am not attached to a man? Why couldn't Alex be described as my boyfriend? This is something that happens FAR too often, how many times is a woman introduced as her husbands wife, no matter her social standing or title. FYI world, women still exist without men in their lives.
3. When Conversations are Restricted to Protect Your Virgin Ears
The amount of times that I left the room and different conversations took place or I came into a conversation and the topic rapidly shifted cannot be counted on all my fingers and all my toes. WHY MUST CONVERSATION CHANGE BECAUSE I HAVE OVARIES? I'm not going to shy away in discomfort, I'm a big girl, an adult human, and can stand your conversation about sex and drugs or whatever it may be. Don't treat me like a child.
4. When You Have to Sit Out of the Fun because Vagina
The most fun thing that happened over Thanksgiving? The Turkey Bowl of course, an honored tradition of my favorite sport, America's greatest sport - football. What was I not allowed to play in because of the pair of breasts on my chest? The Turkey Bowl. This was a tradition between our friend's friends which I would never want to step in-between, but my boyfriend, whom they had never met either, was allowed to play. Why could he break into the traditional group on the simple basis that he's a male?
My mom's response to my frustration of this was, "Sometimes you just have to let men be men". No. Literally, no. This is the mentality that let the boys club exist in the first place. It's not even as if they were playing tackle, they were playing flag football and my spiral was better than 75% of the players on that field, but they wouldn't know because they didn't invite me to play.
5. When They Feel Bad You Have to Sit Out but Aren't Going to Do Anything About It
Then, there were the many times my boyfriend and friend would tell me that they felt bad that I couldn't play but yet did nothing about it. I imagine this is what the women of the suffrage movement felt as their husbands "felt bad that they weren't included in the vote" but weren't going to get out there and fight for their right to the ballot. All I could do was laugh because there is no use in feeling bad about something unless you are going to do something about it. Take your pity and leave it on the football field, boys.
I like to think that I was mainly excluded from this classic example of the boys club due to their fear of my athletic dominance shattering their egos.
No matter what the case is, exclusion is real and these are all very minute examples that are consistently contributing to the boys club professional, political, and social world we live in. Yes, I am pissed that I didn't get to play in a little game of football, but it's not about the football, it's about the fact that I walk home every night and men shout profanities at me in reference to their "appreciation" of my appearance.
It's about the women who work twice as hard to prove themselves in male-dominated industries. It's about the women who are stuck in their gendered roles and feel no escape from them - whatever those may be. It's also about the men who don't want to be in the boys club, who enjoy doing traditionally feminine activities, who are emotional but can't be because of the fear of what it would do to their reputation and social standing. This isn't just about women, it's about everyone. It's about equality.
