I remember the first day of college like it was yesterday. I wanted to come to a university and not be the one to change who I was, but become someone other than who I was in high school. Growing up, I went to a super small high school where everyone knew everybody. There, you went to school with the same people all 13 years, and you know every detail about everyone’s life. 1/5 of my graduating class came to the same college that I did, and I wanted to break from who I was then and work on finding out who I really am now.
Coming into college I wanted to grow up, find new people, and make a new name for myself. I went through high school with a small group of around 5 friends, and I wanted that to change in college. I wanted to be the girl with plans every night and a new person to always talk to. But, that’s the struggle of being an extroverted introvert.
People tell me that they see me as the girl who is confident, makes friends easily, and just has a chill and laid back personality. But inside, I feel the exact opposite. Being in a new situation around people I don’t know makes me so nervous. I have anxiety for days when I know there is something coming up where I have to talk to new people or be around people that I don’t know. The thought of going out or going somewhere completely alone and being expected to just strike up a conversation and instantly meet new friends is absolutely terrifying. I get myself all hyped up and excited for something, but then I begin to overthink everything about every aspect of something, then I psych myself out. I’m the girl who stands in the circle of a party, plans out what I’m going to interject into a conversation, and then the conversation changes before I can speak. I stand in the back, not saying much, but my mind is racing.
I like to stick to my bubble and not leave; my comfort zone is where I like to stay. Do I want to feel like this? Absolutely not. I envy the people that can light up a room with their personality, the ones that can make friends with anyone and everyone.
I was never the ‘class clown’ in high school. I wasn’t considered ‘popular’ by any means. I was the shy girl who didn’t say much. Being in college, I’ve tried to come out of my shell, make more friends, and really be more confident in myself. I am the shy girl who doesn’t say much when you first meet me, but once you get me talking you never get me to stop. I hope to one day not be the girl too afraid to speak up. College has changed me for the better so far, and I only can pray that I continue to break out of being an introvert and start to be more confident in myself.
