I'd be a complete liar if I told you I was great at forgiving people. In fact, if there was a competition for "world's best grudge holder," I'd be a pretty damn strong competitor. As long as I can remember, I've struggled with the concept of just forgetting about a person's betrayal, dishonesty, sabatoge, selfiness and horrible actions all because they said "I'm sorry." Going back to when I was a sassy child with pig tails in the first grade and a classmate of mine stole my favorite Bratz doll, all the way to college, when some people's friendship was based only on convience. To be completely honest, chances are if you did something to ruin our friendship, I would remember the reason for a long, long, long time.
As terrible as it sounds, I could never understand the point of letting awful people off the hook simply because they said two words. To me, "I'm sorry," seemed as an easy cop-out, a band aid over a bleeding wound, if you will. I saw "I'm sorry" as a way to avoid being a good person.
It wasn't until my sophomore year of college that I finally understood the power of forgiveness. By no fault of my own, I was forced into a situation where two of my best friends had reached a new level of betrayal. I was so confused, and absolutely devasated by their actions and words. I found myself in a very dark, and angry place. I was overwhelmed with so many feelings of confusion and bitterness. How could two people who were like family, do something like that to me?
The situation got way worse before it got better, and before I realized that I was no longer myself. My entire life revolved around that entire situation and I couldn't focus on anything else but that. I can't quite place the moment I realized how toxic I was making my own life, but eventually, I decided that I needed to move on.
For whatever reason, the quote, "forgiveness is the biggest attribute of the strong" came to mind, and my not so movie screen epiphany happened.
What I previously understood as forgiveness being letting a crappy person, get away with their crappy actions was replaced by a more accurate understanding of needing to forgive crappy people for yourself.
The reality of forgiving someone by no means that you think what the other individual did is okay, but rather, you're choosing to not let it control you anymore. Choosing to let go of the damage and pain that others have caused you is the ultimate feeling of freedom. You no longer have to carry those feelings of resentment, anger, and bitterness with you every day. Not only will you forget about the past, but you will also stop living in it. By forgiving people who have done you wrong, you will empower yourself to move forward with your life and do bigger, and better things.
Although I may no longer be the strongest competitor for "world's best grudge holder," I'm quickly learning that forgiveness is making my life better, and myself stronger. It may not always be the easiest thing to do, but at the end of the day, forgiveness is the best way you can grow and heal from any situation.
