I spent many years parading around like all was well in my world even though I was barely hanging on to life itself. I did my best to never show any type of weakness because I wanted people to believe that I was stronger than I actually was. I was there to help out anyone in need, yet I never saw my own problems as significant enough to call out for help. Within this past year I finally decided enough was enough and that it was time to rip off the mask, and my journey to transparency began. This is my story.
Pride bears such an awful stench that makes everyone, including the one infected with it, absolutely miserable. Pride takes on many forms, but one of the ugliest forms of pride that I have encountered is through the masking of ones true identity. This was one of the biggest hurdles for me to jump over. My circumstances would scream that I needed help, yet my pride would quickly silence it with excuses such as "What are they going to think of you when you tell them you are struggling with that?". This kept me silent for many years.
I wanted people to think that I had the perfect life because I wanted some form of control over the chaos of my reality. The truth was, my world was falling apart, but you would never know it looking at my social media accounts. You see, that is why social media is so popular in the first place; It gives such a great platform to broadcast lies. As long as I kept lying about my problems and living this double life, I was never going to find freedom.
One of the biggest turning points of my life was this past year when I finally decided to come clean about my pornography addiction. First, I became transparent with myself. I recognized that I did in fact need help so I laid it bare before my husband, then to my church family and now, little by little, the world. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, yet when I felt the relief of finally being real with someone, it started a domino effect that allowed me to become more and more real as time progressed.
I now see that I have nothing to hide. I don't have to be strong because it's in my weaknesses that the strength of Christ is revealed. This is still a journey. It is a process of constantly rejecting the mask. It is a process motivated by the love of God that is continuing to remove all of my fear. I also know that because someone took the time to be real with me about the truth is the very reason that I can offer that same humility to someone else. I recognize it will be through the sharing of my story and communicating what God does in a human life that will help lead them to freedom. That is why I ripped off the mask and I pray that you will, too.
