Being away from someone you care about for a few hours or days is already hard enough, but wait till you try three months. I know how this feels because I had to go through it this summer. Although I am blessed to have my boyfriend in my life, three months can really take a toll on a relationship. From a lack of communication to a spike in the number of fights that happen, there’s one truly accurate word I could apply to how this summer was: difficult. Now, that’s not to say it wasn’t worth it because it was. There were, however, lots of opportunities for learning curves.
1. Distraught
The first goodbye was easily the hardest thing we went through when I left for three months to head back home for the summer. Neither of us had the strength to let go, but we had to. We were both a mess, and to be honest, I cried in my car as I left. My expectation was that the further I got away from him, the easier it would be for reality to set in, but I was sadly mistaken. Being alone in the day and going to sleep alone deeply saddened me in the beginning, and it didn't help that we still had another 90-something days to go before I would be back for good. This step is titled “Distraught” for a reason: We were each in our own deep distraught for days, including endless sobbing as I was leaving.
2. Calm Before the Storm
As the days and weeks carried on, we settled into a good rhythm. We were content, maybe even peaceful, and maybe we even realized that everything wouldn’t be so bad after all. While we were still in this calmness, I got a visit from him for my birthday, and we were happy as clams. The goodbye still wasn’t any easier, but for some reason, it was OK because we had that steady rhythm going on. Everyone knows there is almost always a calm before the storm, and this was one of those.
3. The Storm
After quite a few weeks went by, the fighting began to escalate. Any little matter would set one of us off, and there was little chance of coming back. I felt heartbroken and lost at times, as I’m sure he did as well. I would get so angry and shut down, which never helped matters. He would get angry and say words that really made me want to not talk to him, which is terrible. I always ended up feeling like I was the bad guy. I didn’t feel like we were even that close anymore. There were 300 miles between us, but even more distance than that between our hearts. Being so far away made it so hard to feel important to one another and it’s near impossible to even know how one feels without being able to see it on their face. All I wanted was to be back with him and to stop the storm.
4. Silence
The silence is the most heartbreaking stage of them all. You just feel empty inside and like nothing you do will change anything. It’s a lot like how most people would imagine depression is like. A lot of moping around and feeling like there is no road to recovery. This consumed most of our summer. We stopped talking about important things and stuck to small talk, which is how no relationship should be. He stopped asking how my day was and I stopped caring that he didn’t. The silence is exactly how you would assume: silent.
5. The Reunion
Ninety-something days later and we were finally reunited! I didn’t see him for more than a total of 15 days, if I even saw him that much. I’m not sure if this stage would really count since I technically wasn’t away from him anymore, but I’d still like to include it because it is the best stage of them all.
As a couple, we grew apart this summer, but since I’ve been back we have grown back to the couple we used to be before I even left. After many hardships, we were back to being OK and back to loving each other, and now I get to keep on living my life with you. Now we get to continue our journey, without regrets.
