Ahhh, date party season. It will be the best of times, and I can promise you it will be the worst of times.
Here are the stages that everyone goes through. Brought to you by an avid date-party-goer.
1. You find out about the date party at chapter.
Mixed reactions all around. Someone may pass out. (With this comes 5 people saying they can't go that night already, people yelling about how much the venue sucks or rocks, and everyone being like wait but who do I take).
2. You consider taking your one night stand.
Freaking do not even think about it. HE DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU!!!! This thought for some reason sparks in many people's minds as a 'good one' well I am here to tell you it is absolutely not. OK, drop it.
3. Or, you get a date who has at least 3 friends there.
It is CRUCIAL that your date has a few
4. Wait. Who is having the pregame?
Is it walking distance? Will my feet hurt too much? Can I uber? What if the uber is expensive?
*insert your friend being like "chill, if we all uber together it'll be so cheap"*
and then you're like okay true! Thanks for keeping me calm during my 8th mental breakdown today. What if I get too drunk? Are there comfy couches I can pass out on? Who is having the pre-pregame?
5. Ummm, I need a dress but I definitely don't want to wear one of my own that I insisted my mom bought for me.
Go Instagram stalk the most random people and ask your mutual, mutual friend if you can borrow their dress. They will definitely say no because why the hell would you do that but just put the effort in so you can tell people you tried. Then you remember your friends actually own dresses so you bring yourself back down to earth and ask them. They say yes because they only want what's best for you.
6. What kind of alcohol are you getting?
Ciroc says BOUJEE and I want you to meet my parents sometime soon. Burnett's says you're ugly and I hate you. Smirnoff is always a good route to go it's like a pretty neutral alc. If I had to compare it on a makeup palette it would be like a nude.
7. Get a spray tan that literally makes it so obvious people think you bathed in it.
If you aren't orange, you are too pale.
8. Make your dress fit even though it probably doesn't but you're just over it.
Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you're amazing and scoot out the door, ready for a night of shenanigans. Time to pregame.
9. OK, so you pregamed. Awesome.
You get to date party and you realize shit will hit the fan immediately. STAIRS? WHY. As if my feet didn't hurt enough let's make everyone realize how trashed they are by making them do the biggest test of all. I compare this to 'walking the plank' as if you are a pirate in the old days. But you're not a pirate you're just a drunk bitch.
10. You approach the people who are checking you in.
Sober sisters. Try to smile and make eye contact- just try... they will appreciate your effort. Get those Xs. One of my fondest memories was when my date while getting Xs screams at the bouncers "FUCK ME UP? FUCK ME UP!!!" I was like this isn't happening but it absolutely was.
11. Find the food.
Do you see your friends? I legit do. not. care. Get the food before other people find it because I guarantee you if you get there a second too late all that will be left are carrots and cucumbers- that is PATHETIC. GET THOSE CHICKEN WINGS YOU DESERVE IT YOU CLIMBED THOSE STAIRS, REMEMBER?!!?
12. Enjoy the date party responsibly and slay the dance floor.
Do not get kicked out or you will be sent to standards. Just because you 'don't remember' licking your Xs off in front of the bouncer doesn't mean it didn't happen.