As a part of nature's great wonders, humans are essentially animals at a basic level. So we often share the same traits and habits as our mammal brothers and sisters. And even in our height of civilization, that inherent laziness is not forgotten. All it takes to remind us of our likeness are a few lazy animals who relish in their near sedentary life. The stages listed below may not occur consecutively but may progress in a random order throughout the day and/or week. Duration of stages are circumstantial because of their dependency on the individual’s physiology and lifestyle.
1. The Panda
With occasional naps, the Panda stage is usually a brief period of downtime. Pandas sleep after meals for about two to four hours at a time. The day is slow and you've got a case of the Sundays—even if it’s not Sunday. Power naps pepper your day along with a bit of lounging in your undies. This stage lasts approximately three to four hours. You will continue your day with renewed vigor.
2. The Goat
In the goat stage, hunger invades your gut once more and you gorge yourself on snacks and soda. But you do it slowly, with as minimal effort as you can conjure. Rarely do you ever cook and if you somehow manage the energy to get up and move, the microwave becomes your entire kitchen. No dishes, no effort, no problem. Despite goats getting an average of five hours of sleep a day, their taste for just about anything resembling flora is terrifying. This stage will last around the 24-hour period with gaps in-between to necessitate your average duties as a human, like brushing your teeth.
3. The Deer
Dextrose, sucrose, and glucose! All of the high trans fats and cholesterol pulse through your veins. A surging sugar rush pushes you through several Youtube videos, horrible choreography, and even worse singing. While this may not seem like a lazy habit, your hyperactive episode yields zero productivity, usually a product of procrastination. In other words, you’re being lazy. Deers are nimble creatures that can reach speeds of up to 30 miles per hour. Yet their instinctual habit can get themselves killed. In some cases, deer will run away from a predator until it dies from exhaustion . In essence, they’re not being very productive even if they’re going to die either way. This stage will last for about four to six hours depending on the duration of the previous stage and junk food consumption.
4. The Polar Bear
When you crash, which you will, your body will feel worse than before while you regress into a deep slumber. In a sense, you one-man party yourself to metaphorical death. By the time you stumble half naked onto your couch or into your bed, -- if you’re that lucky -- the day will pass like a gliding fog over your memory of the hours before. Polar bears, unlike Grizzly and black bears, do not hibernate unless they are pregnant females. They are naturally active throughout the year, sleeping seven to eight hours a day to conserve energy. This stage will last for roughly eight to nine hours a day. You will get nothing done, though, that wasn’t your objective in the first place.
5. The Cat
A long sleep will leave you feeling groggy and extremely tired despite your rest. Cat naps will sprinkle your day. You’ll wake up for about an hour or so before you feel your blankets calling you again. When you do wake up, you hardly do much besides eating and expelling your body of natural wastes. Cats tend to sleep about 12 to 16 hours day, though most of their sleep are light snoozing. This stage may last for the entire day or even until the next.
6. The Sloth
Whether you feel the need for a bit of light lounging or have the full-blown lazy syndrome, animals will be there to relate, from the panda to the sloth.
