Dear Lord,
Hear my cries. Allow me to weep at your feet. Let my emotions flow like a river without a dam. I am exhausted, I am broken, I am weak. I feel helpless, I feel stuck, and most of all, I feel angry.
Some days are harder than others, but today seems to be the hardest of all. As I watch my children's friends spend this day with their fathers, grilling out, hiking, swimming and just enjoying each other's company, I can't help but notice the piece missing from my own child's life. I have tried relentlessly to welcome my child's father into her life, but he, in turn, relentlessly resists. Does he not see the joy that she brings to everyone around her? Does he not know that someday, she is going to need someone to scare off her boyfriends and walk her down the aisle? My heart hurts with the pain that I am afraid she will feel throughout her entire life of growing up with a deadbeat dad.
I begin to wonder where I went wrong. Is it my fault that her dad hasn't seen her in over a year? Is there something wrong with me that causes every man who walks into my life to eventually walk out? When these questions rain onto my mind, Lord, I pray that you will flood my heart with the truth. I am loved, I am saved, I am enough.
I pray that you help me use the absence of my daughter's earthly father to teach her how immense the love of her Heavenly Father is. Teach her that what her dad did is not because she isn't worthy because she is the daughter of a king. Teach her that she will always be more loved than she will ever know.
I pray that you take my exhaustion of playing both mom and dad and turn it into motivation to create a better life for my baby and I. Take my brokenness and rebuild me, piece by piece, into a vessel of your love. Take my weakness and rejuvenate me with the strength of a thousand men (because that's what single motherhood takes sometimes).
Show me that I am not helpless, but I have the greatest help of all, your love, guiding me through the murky waters of parenthood. Show me how to allow you to take control, for I am tired of being stuck. Send me Lord, use me, Lord, tell me, Lord. You know my next step and my purpose, and I pray that you show me the way.
Finally, Lord, take this anger that I have towards my child's father for walking out on her and turn it into forgiveness. Even thinking about forgiving him for the pain he has caused makes me want to scream, but if I plan to live like Jesus, I must also love like Jesus, and that is not an easy task.
Thank you for blessing me with this beautiful baby, God, and thank you for being such an amazing Heavenly Father.
Amen
