Trigger Warning: mentions of mental, sexual and emotional abuse
Since the birth of 'Lemonade' and 'A Seat At The Table,' Black femininity has been given a voice in the validation of it's pain. Time and time again we see that Black women and femmes (for all my femme-presenting nonbinary trans folks) are utterly disrespected and abused. this isn't a subjective matter at all- nearly every Black femme has been hurt deeply. Either by betrayal of a lover, a friend, a close family member. This abuse is mental, emotional and sexual.
Black femmes have stayed in silence for their whole lives'. They have been absorbing this pain and holding on to it. Where else could it go? We are asked to be protectors' and providers for our family, Wonder Womyn to everyone and their mothers. We have been demanded to give more and more of ourselves until there is nothing left. The Knowles' sisters have given us auditory catharsis, an outlet for this pain and the labels that are consistently forced upon us. I decided to make a list of things that we all seem to inherit, good and bad, joy and pain. This is for us.
1. Early memories of playing with your mother
2.Your mother's smile, her warmth and presence
3. Early memories of playing with your father, the simplicity of an ice cream cone with him.
4. Christmas with your family (and all the shenanigans that come with it)
5. The loving hugs you get when you're in pain
6.The feeling of your mother's hands braiding your hair
7. The first time your heart was broken by your mother
8. The first time your heart was broken by your father
9. The time that your dad left and didn't come back for a few days
10. That time your mother's favorite vase broke during their argument
11. The feeling of retreating into yourself when they fight
12. That time your dad hit you/ her/ him/ them
13. The sting you felt when someone told you that you wanted it...but you didn't
14. The tears you cried when your mother didn't believe you
15. The smell of your grandmother's room when you two slept together
16. That moment when you realized that you loved your partner
17. You really loved them, even though they hit you
18. When you learned how to hide from them to save yourself
19. The empty feeling of looking out the window and wishing to be anywhere else in the world...
20. Sometimes you even wished for death
21. The strength of the women in your family (especially when they handled it for you, they were strong where you were weak)
22. When you realized that you had joined the ranks of the women before you, somehow holding everything together
23. When you finally found peace
24. Loving your Black friends who have become your sisters
25. Realizing that you are, in fact, the Mom friend
26. How your friends held you when you got the news
27. When you realized you had the right to be mad about everything that happened
28. Everything... even though they wanted you to let it go
29. But you didn't, this anger keeps you going even when everything else doesn't
30. When they called you bitter
31. And Black
32. And woman (like it was some kind of insult)
33. When they expected you to be anything more than human (nah)
34. How your first girlfriend made you feel
35. The first time you kissed your boyfriend
36. How you cried during Soul Food when the house burned
37. When you found out cousin Faith was the worst (believe me, we were all mad)
(We really wanted her to snatch those edges, but that's a whole 'nother article)
38. When you realized that the men in your family couldn't be trusted even though you really wanted them to be
39. Like they're actually all rocks spray painted to look like gold
40. When you stopped giving them energy that you so desperately needed and used it to invest in you
41. When you stopped using relaxers because honestly, who has the time and money for upkeep?
42.And when you cut your hair (finally, after debating whether to for months)
43. Or how about that time you loc'd it?
44. When you got the recipe for the family's sweet potato pie and it was perfect
45. And when he said "Why are you so crazy all the time?" (like he didn't know)
46. And then he followed up with the signature "Wooooooooow"
47.And the ancestors smiled in petty and you curved him like the trash that he is
48. When you realized that Black girls were lit
49. And you found peace again, for real this time
50. And after everything- the lies, the abuse, the manipulation, the heartbreak- you had come to a place of goodness. You could finally finally exhale.
