The other day I was sitting in my room and thinking about the future. I thought to myself, “Oh, when I grow up I’ll have my life together.” It was then that I realized that I had already grown up. I was, to be technical, an adult already. Knowing I’m an adult and being an adult, however, are two entirely different things.
I always thought I was ready to grow up. As a kid I always believed that one day, when I was old enough, all the right answers would suddenly just be there. I would know everything I needed to do and be. I would be able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. I would have my own family and the perfect job. I would be an adult.
I thought the word “adult” was synonymous with words like “happy” and “perfect.” Life, I believed, would be wonderful when I reached the supposed magical age of eighteen. I was utterly wrong.
Growing up sucks.
It just does. At least for me, anyway. Nothing is easy like I thought it would be. I’m in college now, and I don’t really know what I’m going to do with my life. I don’t know what I want to do, who I want to be, or what job I will have. I don’t how to do taxes or how to efficiently shop for groceries. I definitely don’t know what all those symbols on my car dashboard mean—is my tire flat, do I need my oil changed, what’s an inspection sticker?
Thankfully, I have my parents on speed dial. They’re always there to help me and answer my questions. No matter what I ask, they know the answer. My parents and I are adults, but somehow they’re more adult than me. Being an adult doesn’t mean being a certain age. It’s gaining wisdom through experience through trial and error.
I’m still in that trial and error phase unfortunately. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I was still a child, when I didn’t have to worry about student loans, buying food, tipping people at restaurants, or gas money. Life was simple back then because my parents made it simple. Now that I’m on my own I’m realizing just how not effortless and easy being an adult really is, and that’s okay. I’m still learning. I’m going to stumble and fall. I’m going to make terrible mistakes, but the only way I’ll truly fail at being an adult is if I don’t learn from those mistakes.
Even on the days when I feel like I’m torn in two between my childhood and my future, stuck in this dreaded in-between phase, I know that I’m an adult now. I have to accept that, even if I don’t want to. You see, the thing is that I want to go back but I never can. I’ve grown up, and just like everyone said I would, I miss it, that simple life. I wish that I had not wished to grow up. So, to everyone out there who thinks they want to be an adult, stop wishing. Stop wanting. Be silly and do crazy things. Live your life for today and not the future.
