Twitter and Facebook are covered in photographs, video montages, and hashtags for “relationship goals”. I mean smothered in them. But how many of these posts should actually be labeled as “relationship goals”? Is buying your girlfriend a new outfit, leaving it outside her door and texting her to check her front porch REALLY a goal for a relationship? Or how about buying your boyfriend the new Xbox and a couple games? TOTAL GOALS. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect relationship honestly (please, sense my sarcasm). These goals are sending the message that love, trust, and commitment aren’t necessary as long as you spoil your significant other with any materialistic gift they may have briefly mentioned wanting.

The main purpose of these "relationship goals" are to depict the perfect relationship—what we, as ordinary people, should strive for in our relationship, which only causes us to be disappointed if we don’t meet the same goals. Our society is more hooked on hookups and short term flings than entering a long term relationship anyways. Even when entering a long term relationship, they often fail if they aren’t perceived as “goals” by others. Our generation wants the perfect relationship and they turn to social media to tell them how they can find one. But what if I told you that you aren’t going to find any worthwhile relationship goals on a Twitter post? What if I told you that the number of Likes your Instagram post gets won’t determine how likely your relationship is to work out?

Instead of striving for a relationship that looks good on social media, strive for a relationship that you feel confident in. A relationship in which you can talk about the future and actually believe it will happen with them. The truth about relationship goals is that they really aren’t goals at all. The GOAL is to be in a successful and happy relationship—that’s it. That’s the main goal for every couple. Everything that helps lead to success and happiness can be considered goals for others to aspire to within their own relationship but they shouldn’t have to be publicized. You shouldn’t broadcast your entire relationship for others to see. Relationships are meant to be kept personal and private.

So, what leads to a good, solid relationship with happiness and success and these so-called goals we speak about?:

Sitting around talking until 2 am about how many dogs you want to adopt and what kind of furniture you want in your future house.

Communicating with one another when an argument or disagreement comes about.

Compromising about what TV show to put on in the bedroom or what movie to watch.

Making his favorite dinner because you know he had a bad day.

Buying her favorite ice cream because you know it’s that time of the month.

Relationships really aren’t as difficult as you think. Respect that, sometimes, you both need your alone time, and letting one another have it is SUPER important. Let your boyfriend hang out with his buddies on a Friday night and watch the game, even buy the beer for him if you’re feeling it, but also let your girlfriend have a girl’s night with her friends to get their nails done or go see the new Nicholas Sparks movie. Relationship success has to do with compromise, commitment, love, trust and communication. The real goals.

So this is me telling you not to fall for the fraudulent #relationshipgoals. This is me telling you that those goals don’t come with a behind-the-scenes look at what the relationship actually looks like. You can see from the picture that they are both attractive people, have ungodly bodies, a nice set of teeth and appear to be in love. APPEAR is the key word. What the picture doesn’t show you? The fight that they had 10 minutes before. They publicize the good and hide the bad, which is why we see these pictures as “goals.”

I am also here to tell you: RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT EASY.

If you want to be the #relationshipgoals couple, by all means, go for it. As for me, I’m going to stick with my ‘not so perfect but perfect for me’ relationship. A REAL relationship where we fight, forgive, grow, and love. Long distance is hard—very hard—but I have found someone that makes it all worth it. I have found someone who strengthens my faith, brings me pure happiness, and guides me to being a better version of myself. I have found someone who lets me wear his old t-shirts and steal his sweatshirts without asking for them back (he knows he isn’t getting them back anyways). Someone who lets me eat his food right off his plate. Someone who supports me, loves me unconditionally and makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. I have found my relationship goal.

My biggest advice to anyone looking to be “relationship goals” is to build a strong and solid relationship. That is the goal. Anyone can take a cute picture and post it. Be proud of the relationship you have. Instead of looking for popularity, look for all of the things listed above. Love, trust, commitment, and happiness. When you find this, you will reach your goals. I promise.