"Want to go pee together?" is not a funny question.
I have spent my entire life being conditioned to think I will be raped, murdered, kidnapped, mugged or abused if I don't take responsibility for my own safety, whereabouts and actions at all times. I've been conditioned this way because it's true. A woman in college has a one in five chance of being raped. An even smaller percentage of those girls will ever report to authorities.
This is an inescapable feature of being designated female at birth and maintaining a feminine gender identity. It should not be the subject of humor.
"Want to go pee together?" is not about wanting to pee with someone else for the sake of it. We don't want to chat any more than we do in the outside world. We don't hold hands. We don't do it so no one knows who's pooping. That's a real explanation I heard, folks.
In reality, a girl is saying to another that she can't go alone. She's asking for companionship because there is safety in numbers. The other girl knows it. She doesn't have to ask. She might even be relieved that she doesn't have to hold it anymore, either.
"No, you can't walk down there. Don't you know what they'd do if they saw a girl like you walking alone?"
You can't replace the world "girl" with "boy" and get a sentence anyone ever utters.
How often do men think about where they park their car at night? How often do men think they shouldn't go out to eat after dark because something could happen to them? Do they forgo the trip to the grocery store because they'll have to do it alone? Do they keep themselves from going home with anyone after a party because they just know they'll be raped or abused? How many men have to deeply ponder the length of their skirt before they go to a party in the first place? The cut of their blouse? How many men background check their partner to make sure they aren't a sex offender?
The culture of this idea is sick. Yes, it's wise to be safe. It's wise to have a contact. It's really smart to use the buddy system. Carrying personal defense weapons can't hurt. It's probably a good idea to have someone know where you are all the time.
What isn't okay is the perception that a woman's safety is her own responsibility, but a man's safety isn't his. Women were asking for it. Did you? Were you? Didn't you? What about? No one asks a man these questions. "Man, that really sucks," and "You should have brought pepper spray," are not fair differences in reaction. They aren't fair to men or women. Men who are victimized are told they are weak or should have enjoyed it. Women who are victimized are told it's their own fault.
It isn't okay, and it isn't funny.
When girls want to go pee together, don't laugh. Think about how you can make the world safer for them so they can tackle the world alone with confidence.
