I wrote about what it is like to date a man that fears having a gay son and/or raising one. After much contemplation, I decided to do a sub-article of that piece. I felt that it would help to give more insight into a man's feelings, for both myself and readers. I conducted an interview with the male whose name I will leave out of this article. Before my interview, I had a very clouded idea of how he felt about this topic. The way I perceived and internalized his feelings was not as accurate as I thought. Now, although I have gained a better understanding of why he feels the way he does, our beliefs on the topic still differ.
Before I started the interview, I was afraid of the responses I would receive, not because I didn’t want to hear them, but because, for once, I would be silenced by my position. Being the individual conducting the interview, my opinions couldn’t take over the conversation. As the interview progressed, I realized certain things that I didn’t before, such as the natural instinct of protection that is embedded into a man, the same protection that understands how cruel the world can be.
My anonymous speaker made a comment that I had never heard before. “It’s not that I fear having a gay son, but as a straight man, you hear how other straight men feel about that, and I don’t want my son to experience that judgment.” There was this feeling that the inability of men to accept their son being gay doesn’t come from hate, but somehow, from love. There are certain things that we can save our children from, and being gay seems like the one battle you can’t. Now, let’s be clear: this is not to say that any individual who is gay needs saving, but individuals can be especially cruel towards gay people, and as a parent, you would probably feel helpless knowing there is nothing you can do to protect them from that.
My speaker also said that “I can’t answer how I think my son will turn out if he is gay, or what I would do if he is, because I don’t think about that. I would never abandon my son, but it is not a decision that I would support.” I had the idea before that he simply didn’t like it because it was something he did not understand, but I see things differently now.
I understood that my interviewee only wants to protect his son from the cruelty of this world, which I can respect. I still have my feelings about the situation; I do believe that courage and strength come from the home, and with the support of family behind you, nothing else matters. I see his reservations and I understand them. This is not a situation that he even considers or dwells on for reasons of his own, but I am glad I had a chance to hear things from his perspective. I understand that we still share differences when it comes to this situation, but I can grasp his point of view more clearly.
I will end off with a statement he made that I think captures the essence of his thoughts on the topic. “I am not afraid of others judging me for my son’s orientation, nor am I afraid of raising him, I am more afraid of how he will live. What he might go through mentally, emotionally, and physically. How will his life be, and how will I be able to answer questions. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
