One year when I was in elementary school, I was infested with lice. I vividly remember my teacher informing both the students and parents of the lice infestation, as it was spreading around the small school like wildfire. All the students were getting it; we were encouraged to wash all of our sheets, blankets, and jackets. Nobody shared any sort of clothing or accessories. The soft pillows we were allowed to lay our heads on in our classroom’s reading corner were removed, the couch in the library was discarded, and the students were instructed to religiously wash their hands.

My parents and I took every precaution we could think of to ensure that I didn’t get infected, but I still did. Because my hair was curly as well as thick and long, my parents decided to cut it because that was the quickest way to get rid of the lice. When I say cut, I don’t mean a cute bob or shoulder length hair; I received a pixie cut.

Looking back now, I almost believe I was ahead of my time. How many third graders do you know that sport a pixie cut? Not many. Nowadays, a pixie cut is extremely in fashion, so many celebrities are going short and they look amazing doing so. But in third grade, it wasn’t cool nor was it in style. There were lots of tears involved in that haircut, and I remember wearing my hood over my head at recess the next day, because I was embarrassed and upset with my hair cut. My parents, my teacher, and all the other adults in my life told me how adorable it looked, constantly commenting on my hair. But because I didn’t fit in with my peers, I didn’t like it. I spent the next ten years of my life growing it back out, never getting more than a trim of the dead ends when I went to the salon. I convinced myself that short hair was not beautiful on me, and as my hair grew longer I received more compliments on my hair, mostly on its length and beautiful curls. I became attached to my hair, it became my defining trait, and I prided myself on the curls.

I am nineteen years old, and today for the first time in ten years I cut more than two or three inches off of my hair. It’s not anywhere close to being short, I cut off about nine inches and it still easily goes past my shoulders. But to me, it is very short, and when I finally looked in the mirror and saw the end result I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not. As I walked out of the hair salon, my hairdresser was telling me how fantastic it looked and my sister tried to convince me on the way home that it looked different, but very good. When I got home, my dad commented on it, saying that he liked it as well.

The only issue was I wasn’t sure if I liked it. I would no longer have hair that went down to my shorts; I couldn’t run my hands through it and twirl the ends when I was nervous. I wouldn’t be able to do a messy bun anymore, and I could say goodbye to long and flowing ponytails. And when I finally looked at myself in the mirror, my first thought was that I liked it, a lot. Different? Yes, but I really liked it. My second though was what will my friends think when they see it? Will people still think my hair is beautiful? Will I continue to get compliments from strangers passing by? Then it finally dawned on me: it didn’t matter what my friends, family, or strangers thought of my haircut. It was my hair, and I liked it. The longer I looked at it, the more I liked it. I was still the same person, just with shorter hair; and I thought I looked just as good with short hair.

Then I began to think, at what point in my life was I led to believe that short hair wasn’t beautiful on me? Why was I so obsessed with what others’ thought of my hair, when instead I should have focused on my personal thoughts? I’m now on a journey, and this journey will be different, but good; just like my haircut. My journey is to become beautiful in my own eyes, not in the eyes of others. I began to think about my lifestyle choices. The way I dress, the way I do my makeup when I go out, the way I style my hair; it all focuses on how others perceive me.

I am on a journey to find self-beauty, and I encourage you all to do the same. Cut your hair short, or grow it long. Wear a full face of makeup, or keep it natural. Dress in whatever fashion pleases you. Wear heels if you love them or go barefoot if you are more comfortable that way. Do not let anyone, including yourself; get in the way of wearing, saying, or doing whatever makes you feel good about yourself. I hope you all decide to go on this journey, if you have not already. Let’s spend less time stressing over other people’s opinions, and more time loving ourselves.