You’ve changed.

Those two words made me take a perspective look at where my life was and where it had gone wrong. It wasn’t that my best friend had told me that I’ve changed, or even my mom. It was me. I told myself that, and it shook me to the core. In the year and a half that I’d been in college, I changed so much that I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore.

I was so scared of how much I had changed and lost myself that I actually dropped out of college. I did what I was good at and just ran away from the situation instead of taking it head on. I moved back home the second semester of my sophomore year and thought I took care of the problem. But therein lies the case that was the problem.

I didn’t want to face who I had become and I thought if I just put everything that happened in college behind me that I would just go back to being who I truly was. Well, that didn’t happen. Nothing was behind me, it was actually all just sitting right in front of me waiting for me to face it. It took about two and half months for me to face it but I did it, and I’m happy that I did.

I was able to see clearly for the first time what that change was that I saw in myself. It was that I lost myself. I put everything that I had ever held sacred to my being and my character on the back burning, to put on this façade that I thought people would like more. For a while, it was working, until I became lonely and depressed, I got to the point where I had to give myself a pep talk to even get out of bed in the morning to go to class. I slept a lot, I cried a lot, and I was isolating myself a lot.

Once I was able to see this, I started putting in the work to get back to who I was. I put everything in God’s hands because I knew he would have an answer. He did, and it was to never lose myself for someone else. I grew from this, and I couldn’t be more thankful for this life lesson that I had. He also showed me that running away wasn’t going to be an option anymore. I needed to go back and show who I really am, and surround myself with people who I value, and who value me.

I’m now two weeks into classes, and my heart is so full, and I am so happy. I’m back and I’m here to stay. I’m not letting anyone control my life any further. This is my life to live and I’m living it to the fullest. I’m putting everything in the past and starting anew. I was able to find myself through a journey of self-discovery because I lost myself. I learned to value myself, my feelings, and my ways. I will never let myself get lost again, and I’m never running away again. I’m thankful for everyone who I came back to and accepted me with open arms. I’m a new me, and you understand that. I’m taking life by the horns and never letting anyone change me again.