I am a terrible, terrible human being — or, at least, a self-proclaimed one. You see, I've never been known among my various friend groups for being the kind, gentle, sweet, supportive one. I'm the one with the ribald jokes, the tasteless comments, the accidentally offensive observations, the no-BS straight-talk, the full-of-BS ass-coverings, and the perennial awkward callings-out for perceived misdeeds. To eyes both trained and untrained, I'm kind of a jerk.
Most friend groups have one: the awful friend. The awful friend giggles when you fall down, laughs at racist jokes, brings up that thing you're super sensitive about, accidentally offends your parents, complains about doing favors, and eats too much of your food.
There are plenty of benefits, however, that come from having your friends only half-sure that you actually like them. For example:
1. Infallible Sarcasm
When 99 percent of your compliments are sarcastic or facetious, people start to assume that most of your insults are actually veiled compassion. Regardless of whether or not it's true, you can get away with ribbing people and they often don't even know — sometimes, they even thank you!
2. Apologies are a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Card
With an established history of mouthing off inappropriately, people become increasingly tolerant when the veil of OK-ness falters and you let one of your horrible, cynical thoughts slip through your lips at dinner. Apologies are everything, from the flippant "sorry, I'm a dick" to the quasi-sincere "I'm so, so sorry that I offended you. That wasn't my intention at all." Moments of terribleness get written off as singular instances of an unstoppable trend and thus your friends become desensitized to your burning, passionate hatred of children and yappy dogs.
3. Increased Flake Forgiveness
Since you're already flippant, hypercritical, and possibly overdramatic, people are less perturbed and more reluctantly accepting if you ditch them for a stupid reason. You left the party because you hated the people? They get it — you hate almost everyone.
4. People Trust Your Impartiality
If you speak your mind, people may listen, begrudgingly. When friends need real advice, not self-help book advice, they come for your brutal, unflinching, no-holds-barred honesty. When people mess up, you tell them, perhaps too often. Paradoxically this breeds trust, as both parties realize that a sassy, critical friend sometimes brings harder but more helpful truths than a yes-man.
5. You Know It's Real
Let's be honest, you're pretty abrasive. If your friends didn't actually like you, they probably would have cut you out of their lives a long, long time ago. The fact that they still invite you out every weekend means that there are some redeeming qualities mixed in with the jibes, the complaining, the flaking, and the slight maliciousness. Some measure of charm comes from being totally charmless. You're worth it!
