Work hard. Play harder.
Man up.
No pain, no gain.
Learn to deal.
Suck it up, Buttercup.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
I am great, but I can always be better.
There are a million ways to push people. There are a million ways to encourage people to test their limits, to break out of the boundaries they set for themselves.
Often, these mantras are a focus point to push, to not give up. But somewhere in their repetition, the meaning is morphed; it transitions from "Don't give up" to "obsess," "take no breaks," "there is no such thing as truly trying your hardest."
And constantly being told your hardest isn't your hardest, and seeing that it's not enough to satiate your teachers, coaches, parents etc., it becomes second nature to keep pushing. Work becomes a state of being, and you stop at almost nothing to make sure you get as close to your hardest as you can, knowing you and everyone else won't recognize any amount of effort as your hardest. Now your personal pride is dependent on the pride the people around you take in you.
And that's how I became a tryhard.
The whole process took place in elementary school, when I refused to read because I felt like I couldn't. And people, two teachers specifically, pushed me to my first/second- grade limits, and taught me, a girl struggling with the alphabet, to read at grade level, but also taught me to find books I'd love reading.
Starting third-grade, I was self-motivated. I loved reading. Nothing I'd rather do. It felt like I'd read every book worth reading in the children's room by the end of fourth grade. And fifth grade, well the recurrence of my second-grade teacher as my fifth-grade teacher, taught me to love learning in all mediums.
And here's where being a try-hard begins to suck:
In middle school, things got a little harder. When teachers got to talking, they all started expecting a certain level of work from each student, and suddenly I felt accountable; Perfect work was necessary, or all my teachers would judge me. And by taking classes that would end up on my transcript in high school, I was constantly overworking, not stopping when I should have.
And here comes the darkest parts of being a try-hard:
Suddenly the pressure of what's expected of you seems to exponentially sky-rocket, and how do you compensate: work, what else. It's the countless 1 a.m. nights, the redoing things because they're not perfect, it's the self-doubt that happens every time you hand something in: "Did I really work my hardest? God, I should've stayed up 'til 2 a.m. studying! I can't believe I went to sleep only at midnight knowing I had that test, please pray the teacher has pity on me and gives me a 100% curve because I definitely failed that."
The constant repetition of hearing your hardest isn't your hardest manifests itself in an "Imposter's Syndrome" type mindset. Every success feels fake, because you know you could have tried harder, you didn't deserve that. Every failure is a failure of character, not only of time-management or personal ability.
Being a try-hard has its perks; I make decent grades, I've made changes by dedicating my try-hard efforts to several charity organizations, I dedicate myself to every other extracurricular activity with a devotion. I truly try to be my best self -- the best sister, friend, daughter, student and global citizen I can be. But sometimes, the pressure compounds and balancing it all would be a feat of God and the level to which I push myself is nothing but unhealthy. Sometimes it feels like everything is up to me, that nothing is left to fate or hope or statistics or God, but merely an effect of my actions. The competition is not against my peers, but against myself.
I know that I am not even close to the only person who feels this way, so to all my fellow try-hards, I encourage balance, even as I struggle to find it myself. Work hard, but work in rhythm with your surroundings. Find things to do that don't add pressure, but are rather a pure outlet for you (mine has become writing). Ask for help or a break when you need it; you are human, not a superhero. Don't waste your youth caught up in the scheme of society, slave to an ideal of perfection. Don't waste your youth worrying about test scores, because one day test scores become taxes and life continues without any memories to reminisce in, dreams that are truly based in hope and freedom, and the unrealistic magic and miracles, you want to believe in. Build depth in your life with meaningful relationships and experiences, and don't let your try-hard instincts tunnel your vision of what life is supposed to be. Life is not a one-track path; focus on finding meaning, and the success will come. Being a try-hard, it's not something you can control, and it will bring you places, I promise; just tame it so it doesn't detract from the miracle and journey we call life.
