Having friends is one of the most enriching opportunities we can experience as human beings. As social creatures, we thrive on the presence of other people in our lives, they bring joy to us, they give us people to talk to, and they help us to become the best version of ourselves. As a college student, being in almost constant contact with new friends, I’ve come to realize that friendship has more of an impact on my life than I previously thought.

I’ve always been very happy to spend time on my own, but since starting college I’ve realized that I like myself better when I have people—especially friends—around me. I feel as if I am at my best when I am in the presence of those people who support me, question me, and make me laugh. As such, I have found myself looking onward to winter break, a reprise I thought I would enjoy, and dreading it. On the one hand, I will be sad to leave the classroom and the college setting that I have come to love, but the larger reason behind my dread is that I don’t want to say goodbye to my friends.

I have always heard that saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do, and perhaps I attempted to sympathize with the people who were preaching this message, but I never truly understood. Now that I’ve created deep bonds with people that I see on a regular basis. I’m beginning to see why people say that saying goodbye is difficult.

Prior to college, I had always seen my friends as separate entities from myself, our overlapping interests always intertwined on the surface, but never any deeper. It was always very easy for me to separate myself from my friends and not feel lonely when I left them. Now, I’m seeing friendship in a new light as I’ve allowed myself to become connected on a deeper level with the people I spend my time with. It’s no longer simply that my friends are an accessory to me, they’re part of me, and when they leave, part of me goes with them.

The first friend I made at college introduced me to dancing, and when she leaves she takes my feet and my grace, and I can’t twirl without thinking of her. Her roommate loves the fall foliage on campus, when she leaves she takes the space behind my ears where I stick bright red leaves and my frozen fall fingertips. I have another friend who shares my love for the moon, and tea, and good books and poetry, and when he leaves he takes my mind and my best words, and I see his smile in the radiance of our lunar satellite. I have a friend who gives the best hugs, and takes my arms and makes me think of them with every squeeze; another who sings and I hear their sweet voice in the harmonies; a comedian whose laugh I hear in my own, and the list goes on.

To truly be human, I believe, is to give yourself to others in such a way that you see them, and by extension yourself, everywhere and in everything. Saying goodbye will be hard for me come this winter break, and every break afterwards, because now when I say goodbye to my friends, I’m saying goodbye to the person I am when I’m with them.

That’s not to say that I’m going to feel completely alone over every break, but now that I’ve seen who I can be in the company of those I enjoy spending my time with, I will miss them like I’ve never missed anyone before. While it will be hard for me to say goodbye to them, I can take joy in knowing that they’re in my life and that I will see them around me every day. Saying goodbye is going to be hard, but it’s also not forever and because I can’t say goodbye to myself, I don’t have to say goodbye to my friends. They are always with me, and I am always with them, and I will think of them until our next “hello.”