To The Parent Who Walked Out, Even If You Came Back, My Door Is Locked Now

To The Parent Who Walked Out, Even If You Came Back, My Door Is Locked Now

I'm Sorry You Left. But I'm Now Not Sorry You're Gone


Dear parent that left:

It has been a long time since we have spoken. It has been a long time since we have seen each other. And I just wanted to take a moment to sit down and write you this letter. This letter is not being written out of anger. It is not being written out of spite. It is not being written with hatred in mind. It is not being written for any other reason than I felt the need to write it. This letter is to you. It is a letter to the parent that walked out. I am sorry you left. But I'm not sorry you're gone.

In your eyes, I could never be perfect. You found a reason to criticize everything I did. Whether it was a foolish choice to spend money I should not have as a kid, to the choice to oversleep and not be able to deliver my papers to the customers that were waiting for them to a dozen or more choices I made foolishly (in your eyes) growing up. But one thing you never seemed to realize is that I was a kid. Kids make mistakes. You just couldn't accept that.

What you didn't realize as I was growing up was that I battled demons in my head. I struggled with things nobody could hear or see. I made decisions not based out of rationality or reasonable decisions. I made choices because I wanted to make them. And rather than explain my mistakes, you found reasons to criticize me, insult me, say negative things about the poor choices (as you saw) I made, and one thing after another, you always made me feel like I was never going to do the right thing or be good enough.

I wish it would have stopped when I was a kid. It was hard enough growing up never being good enough for you. It was hard enough never being able to make the right choices. It was always scary wondering when you'd criticize me again, make some nasty comment about something "stupid" i did, or you'd insult me for some "dumb decision i didn't think about." This didn't stop when I was a kid. It continued into my 20's. And then into my 30's. And then, due to what you called a "stupid decision" you walked out on me.

I'm sorry you left. But I'm now not sorry you're gone.

I don't have someone insulting me when I want to go to a concert. I don't have someone criticizing me when I'm not happy with something in my life. I don't have someone making me feel like I'm worthless and I'm never going to amount to anything if I want to look for another job. I don't have someone stepping up and finding something wrong with everything I'm doing. I don't have someone that is verbally, mentally, emotionally and psychologically abusing me day after day in my life, making me feel like I am completely and totally worthless. You did a great job at making me feel like I wouldn't amount to anything and that I would never measure up to what you thought I should do, or how I should be.

I'm not you. I never was going to be you. I'm never going to be you. I've lived my own life, made my own decisions (most of them stupid according to you), made my own choices, and I've managed to stay alive all these years, have a nice house to live in, drive a nice car, keep the same friends, have a good job (regardless of where I worked), finish not one, not two, not three but four college degrees. And I've managed to raise two great kids. I'm sorry you left. But now I'm not sorry you're gone.

I've heard about all of the things you've said about me through the years. I would like to come back with some nasty comments myself. But I won't. Because that would make me act like someone I don't want to act like. You.

I have worked my entire life to not be like you. I have promised myself I would not degrade my kids, make them choose religion, make them do things they didn't want to do, psychologically, emotionally or verbally abuse them, and I would not make them feel like they are worthless. I tell them every single day how much I love them. I don't ever remember you telling me that. Imagine having a father that never tells his kid that he loves him? I don't remember that. Not one time. Not ever. I tell my kids that every day.

But this won't become a pissing match. I'm not going to lower myself to your level. I don't have to. You don't know anything about me. Because you walked on me. Do you remember that?

It's been a long nine years. And I keep counting. I'd often wondered "if" I'd cross you on the street, or if I'd encounter you in a mall, or possibly see you at a family funeral. I did see you one time. It's been about five years. Do you remember? We sat at an umpires meeting for a tournament we were going to work. Across the table from each other. You couldn't even look at me. You didn't even acknowledge me. You didn't say hello to me. My best friend and umpire partner was shocked. But afterward, he said he realized I'd never lied. And he told me that you were a horrible person to not even acknowledge your own kid.

I didn't argue with him. All I told him is that at least I know I'm not like you. I'm not a parent who won't recognize their own kids. I'm not a parent who won't tell their kids that he loves them. And more than anything, I told my friend I'm doing something that you didn't do. I'm staying in my kids' lives.

This letter is for you. It's for the parent that walked out on me. I'm sorry that you left. But I'm now not sorry that you're gone. I don't have someone insulting me, criticizing me, saying mean things about me, making me feel like I'm worthless, and I don't have someone making me feel like I won't amount to anything. I have a good job. I have a nice house. I have a wonderful family. I have some beautiful friends. God keeps giving me good days of life. He stands there through my bad days of life. And unlike you? The people in my life? They never leave.

I am no longer angry at you parent that walked out of my life. I am not mad anymore at you. I do not say mean things about you. I feel sorry for you. You have a child that you do not know anymore. You have grandchildren that won't talk to you because of the way you've treated me. You have a great-granddaughter that you will never see. It was your choice. You walked out on me. I'm sorry that you left. But I'm now not sorry that you are gone.

I hope you are doing what makes you happy. I hope that one day you will look back and realize that I was never perfect. But neither were you. I hope one day that you realize that you made mistakes too. And I hope one day that you look back and regret what you did. You walked out on a child. You turned your back on your flesh and blood. You lied about things that never happened. You made yourself feel like a victim. I feel sorry for you. I am sad for you. But I have no anger, hatred or anything negative to say about you. I wish you the best. And more than anything? I would like you to look back one day and know that you are the parent that walked out.

I am sorry that you left. But I am finally at peace that you are not coming back. And looking back, knowing how long you've mistreated me, verbally, psychologically and emotionally abused me? I'm not sorry that you're gone.


The son that you no longer have.

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23 Names Moms Of Millennials Have, And What Kind Of Mom They Probably Are

Behind every millennial is a mom with one of these common names.

It's always interesting to learn the first names of my friends' mothers.

Most of the time, their name fits them perfectly. Behind every millennial is a mom with one of these common names.

1. Karen

Karen is smart, reliable and a friend to everyone she meets. She loves to go above and beyond. If you have a question, you call Karen, and she always has the answer.

2. Barbara, AKA Barb

Barb can get a little sassy, especially if she's had a few glasses of wine. Barb loves to laugh and have a good time. Beware: she might steal your clothes from your closet.

3. Jennifer

Jennifer is the hot mom who doesn't look a day over 30. She was popular in high school, and she's still popular now. She's not a regular mom: she's a cool mom.

4. Pam

Pam has the best chocolate chip cookie recipe in town. She loves going to bake sales and antique stores, and she gives great hugs. Pam makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. There's not a mean bone in her body.

5. Michelle

Michelle is a born caregiver. She loves taking care of others and is especially great at being a mom. All the best moms are named Michelle.

6. Carla

Carla love boat rides and beer. She has at least one shirt with an American flag on it.

7. Lisa

Lisa is so responsible, it's scary. You know Lisa was put on this earth to mother everyone she meets, even complete strangers.

8. Nicole

Nicole is hip and trendy, especially if she goes by Nikki. Nicole thinks she's pretty cool, and even though they might not want to admit it, her kids think so too.

9. Brenda

Brenda has a great smile. She radiates happiness everywhere she goes. If Brenda was a color, she'd be yellow.

10. Tammy

Tammy is a teenager trapped in an adult body. She loves to be tan and spend time outdoors. Everyone knows Tammy has an alter ego when she drinks, and she's usually hilarious.

11. Kathy/Katherine

Kathy/Katherine is the laid-back mom who would secretly fight anyone that hurt their baby. Don't cross a Kathy/Katherine.

12. Nancy

Nancy sometimes loses her temper and then immediately second-guesses her parenting. It's probably because she's working too hard and not drinking enough wine. Give your mom a break.

13. Mary

Mary is an angel that fell to Earth. There's no way anyone could have beef with Mary. Give Mary a hug; she deserves it.

14. Janet

Janet's goofy, but she's really good at hiding it. Once she relaxes, though, Janet has the best laugh. She's also got a heart of gold.

15. Stacy

Stacy's that mom who will come to all of your baseball games twenty minutes early with a picnic basket full of sandwiches for the whole team. She loves wearing her hair in a ponytail and lives in her Mom Jeans.

16. Susan

Susan has a pretty severe resting bitch face, but don't let it fool you. She knows how to get down. Susan's purse is covered in buttons -- you know the kind: a headshot of a kid playing sports. She probably drives a minivan.

17. Amy/Aimee

Amy/Aimee never ages. She's fun to be around and has friends of all ages. Amy/Aimee works hard and is successful because of it. If anyone deserves happiness, it's Amy/Aimee.

18. Sherry

Sherry's great on the days you need a little pick-me-up. She might not be the best person to call in a crisis, but she sure knows how to make you smile.

19. Melissa

Melissa is beautiful. When you're with Melissa, it's easy to forget there's anyone else around. It must be hard having a mom who's hotter than you.

20. Stephanie

Stephanie is a pretty cool mom, especially on the weekends. She loves getting her hair done, her dog and drinking fruity frozen drinks with a little umbrella.

21. Cindy

Cindy's got an attitude. She might look sweet, but don't let her fool you. Don't bring your boyfriends or girlfriends to meet Cindy unless you're really serious about them, because she might scare them away.

22. Tiffany

No one knows how to break it down like Tiffany. She loves to dance. Wherever she goes, the party follows.

23. Carol

Carol is the strict mom who likes to give lectures at every opportunity. Don't be so hard on her though: she means well. Cut your mom some slack, kids.

Cover Image Credit: Whitnei Photographei

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I Need You To Stop Calling Immigrants "Illegal"

An introductory piece to my retelling of immigrant stories highlighting why these people specifically chose to come into the U.S. "illegally"


Since I was a kid, I've been surrounded by talks of illegal immigration. I remember being scared watching the news covering illegal immigration. I remember being overly cautious whenever near law officials and most of all, I remember peers and adults calling illegal immigrants aliens, rapists, murderers, drug dealers, and terrorists. What they didn't realize is that these illegal immigrants that they are describing are people I know.

Or maybe they did realize because as ugly as it is to say, the United States is a xenophobic place.

Everyone blames these immigrants for being illegal. Yes, they crossed the border or overstayed their visas but what no one is blaming are events that led them to do that. The majority of immigrants don't want to leave their home country but are forced to, due to violence, poverty and the lack of jobs in their communities. Immigrants come to the U.S. not just for themselves but for a better life, since when has this pursuit of happiness been illegal? Is it only legal for the white community?

No one blames the U.S and the Mexican government, who have in no way formed a solution for this problem, instead choosing to encourage xenophobic and white supremacist views. No one is blaming President Trump who continues to spread lies about immigrants, who continues to spread false facts, especially exemplified in his recent address. No one is prosecuting ICE officials who are responsible for having 22 immigrants die in their detention centers in the past 2 years. And since this whole government shutdown began over wall funding, not one story has overtly focused on the immigrant story.

There are immigrants who have been in the U.S for 18+ years and they are just as American as I am and every other U.S. citizen. They are just as hardworking and contributive to society. The only thing that separates them from the U.S. populace is a decision that they made when they were young adults and had no other option. A decision they made before 9/11-- before serious security checks were increased, especially targeted at individuals from other countries.

The reason that 12 million+ illegal immigrants are "illegal" is to blame on xenophobic views in the U.S. The so-called wall that will supposedly keep out gangs, drugs and violent immigrants from the U.S-- is it any coincidence that it is only separating Mexico and Central America from the U.S.? Why not build a wall separating Canada from the U.S.? Because the simple fact of the matter is that the United States does not care whether white people come into this country.

So many people in the U.S. are not able to comprehend the reason why so many immigrant families come to the U.S. They don't understand their stories and the several centuries of events that led to this. The only way that White Americans would be open to this idea of freely crossing borders would be if these immigrants were white-- mimicking exactly what happened in America when Europeans colonized.

Throughout these next few months, I hope to be able to retell immigrant stories-- the reasons why they migrated to the U.S., and especially how they are currently living the American Dream. These immigrants are so often wrongly represented by xenophobic views labeling them as the villain to the U.S. citizens' story that it is time that these "illegal" immigrants get to have their stories truthfully told, especially to stop the fear-mongering that surround these individuals and their lives. These stories that will be published are also not meant to paint the whole immigrant experience in a happy, innocent tone. Immigrant stories are filled with harsh realities that many individuals in the U.S. have had the privilege of not experiencing, but should otherwise still be knowledgable about.

As U.S. citizens, living in privilege is something that we take for granted, to the point that we don't even notice the adversities occurring in other countries-- ignorant to the reason why many of these individuals look to the American Dream as an emblem of hope.

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