Redemption: "The Oscar" (1966)

Redemption: "The Oscar" (1966)

Re-reviewing what might be the best worst film of all time

Just one look at Tura Satana's bustier-than-life go-go dancer Varla relegates the 1965 film Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! to the lowly status of a sexploitation movie; from the start, it is unable to regard the entire package as anything but a novelty. In spite of, or perhaps because of its notorious critical failure, it has often been reexamined by critics and, over time, has garnered high praise from feminists and film critics alike.

Life's funny like that sometimes.

Like the works of Edgar Allan Poe or Vincent Van Gogh, a movie is sometimes unfairly labeled as "bad," and shunted aside for the next week's new release. It gets filed away as a dud and for every Faster, Pussycat!, there are dozens of rhinestones-in-the-rough which are forgotten about. It is my hope to dust off these cinematic-crapfests and try to salvage them in my own fledgling series I've so cleverly named "Redemption".

This week's offender is an anomaly in that it's overflowing with Oscar-winning talent and yet somehow manages to be insanely horrible; 1966's "The Oscar." With the combined talents of Tony Bennett, Elke Sommer, Eleanor Parker, Joseph Cotten, Ernest Borgnine, Edie Adams (see? this list keeps going and going), Milton Berle, and Jill St. John, it's almost unbelievable that a film of this stature could be bad.

And yet it is.

The story, told in flashbacks on the night of The Oscars, details the brutal rise of actor Frankie Fane, beginning as the sleazy opening act for his slightly-less-sleazy stripper girlfriend to Academy Award-nominated actor. It is a bold if wildly misguided attempt at an exposé of the seamier side of Hollywood, something seemingly dreamed up by Jackie Sussann (what was it about 1966 and these flashy tell-alls?), and, at the risk of editorializing, I have a hard time believing that no single person involved in the making of this movie realized that the theatrical efforts of the cast could do little more than lend some polish to a movie destined for ridicule.

One can only imagine what the casting director had to do to commit so many talented individuals to a script that reads at best like a romance novel bought in the checkout line and at worst like the half-finished manuscript of a bored housewife. Whereas some movies that revel in being intentionally tawdry can be sincerely riveting, the repulsion the viewer inevitably feels for the character of Fane and the atrocious dialogue (no, you don't understand, it's mystifying - "I've let you castrate me inch by inch" comes immediately to mind) strip the wheels off this drama and make it an all-star comedy. I stopped the movie a third of the way through to make sure I wasn't watching a parody. Not one star in the bunch betrays the seriousness the movie believes it commands, making this the most flawless example of camp I've ever watched.

Final Verdict: This hollow attempt to illuminate the corrupt wheelings-and-dealings of the West Coast gliterati is burdened by an excess of 60s slang (the "dig this heavy scene" kind), contrived, circuitous dialogue that Jackie Collins herself (may she rest in peace) wouldn't own up to, and a loathsome, lecherous lead. This insiders' attack on Hollywood is cinematic treason in its showiest form and it is one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. My meager vocabulary can in no way encapsulate exactly how entertaining this tasteless spectacle is. Redemption approved.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.

Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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Poetry On The Odyssey: It's a Girl

An ode to the little girl raised to be insecure.


They raise little girls to be insecure

Little girls grow to be big girls

People always ask big girls why they're so insecure

Big girls aren't quite sure

Day after day the big girl can't keep up

She's exhausted

Her soul feels worn

The big girl learns to grow hard

In a way, she's a bit stronger

People call her a bitch


What is that?

How can she let that affect her

It's simply the only way to be her

She mourns that little girl

Hoping that one day

She'll be strong

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