Why is it that as soon as things begin to seem perfect, they always find a way to fall apart?
Maybe it’s because we don’t want to see the imperfections. We don’t want to have arguments. We don’t want struggle. So we put off the inevitable. But at one point or another, the truth comes out.
You really don’t like your roommate.
You’ve tried, you really have. After all, you’re sharing a room with them. You talked with them late into the night, hung out outside of your room, maybe gone to a party or two to bond. You even made the leap to introduce each other's friend groups. You’re intertwined in each other’s lives. You’ve let them in.
Now, the little things suddenly involve the most anger. Their music is always too loud. Their FaceTimes never involve headphones. Or filters. Roommate agreements are ignored. Their guests overstay their welcome. They eat your food. They start using your facewash. Your towels. Your bed. Your personal space. You find that even their sneezes start to annoy you.
You have three options here.
1. Tell them what’s up.
Tell them that their late nights on school nights bug you. Tell them that your stuff is off limits. Tell them that they need to cool it with the hate on your music selection. Tell them.
This can go in multiple directions, depending on the type of person your roommate is. You may have a mature adult as a roommate, in which they might respond with an apology, a compromise — and the solution is resolved.
Or you live with someone who isn’t on the same maturity level as you. This is more than likely the case, otherwise they would have read your signs of a cold shoulder by now. And, you know, shown some type of sign of common courtesy. Along with common sense.
If your roommate is oblivious, they may feel like they’re being attacked. Common results: crying, yelling, a screw-you attitude and no solution.
2. You ignore the issue and continue on as you are.
Pretend nothing that they do bothers you. Let their guests stay until 4 a.m. on a Tuesday. Just sit there in your spite.
I don’t recommend this tactic, because all it results in is hate toward your roommate. And if the level of discomfort isn’t already present, it’ll sure grow into despising them. That’s not what anyone wants. It’s not an end goal to be rejoicing on move-out day for anything other than completing finals.
3. You slowly detach yourself.
Just do you. If they need something, help them out, of course. But it’s not your job to do everything for them. Don’t let them walk all over you. Be civil, not hostile.
I recommend this method — it’s been known to curve even the worst of roommates. This will spark some curiosity from them. They’ll probably ask you why you’ve been so distant, and you can tell them honestly. Part of growing up is dealing with difficult people and being able to talk out the problems you have. This situation guarantees that you’ll both be in a calm and willing environment to have that adult conversation.
Whatever you choose, keep one thing in mind. It’s only a year. You don’t have to live with them forever. You can do it.
Best of luck, and may the roommate pairings be ever in your favor!
