When asked what one thing they would change about themselves if they were given the chance, most people would pick some physical attribute that's too big, too small or too crooked. A girl might wish to make her nose a little bit smaller, a little bit cuter. A boy might wish for longer legs or bigger muscles. An older woman might wish for younger looking skin. Sure, there are physical qualities I possess that I wish looked a little different. My nose could be shorter, stomach could be flatter, ears could be smaller, but what I really wish I could change about myself isn't physical at all. My physical flaws have never caused me any harm, because I tend to be fairly thick-skinned when it comes to what others have had to say about them. On the other hand, the qualities of myself that lie beneath the skin, the qualities that define who I truly am as a person are the only ones that have ever caused me emotional turmoil. I'm not saying I'm a bad person. I'm a good person, but I let others get away with too much, and I hate that about myself.
I often find myself being let down by others. Ultimately, I feel like I am letting myself down for allowing those people to be a part of my life. Many times in the past, I have exercised bad judgment when it came to certain people. I tend to always see the good in people, even when there isn't much of it. I give people chance after chance and they let me down every time. Sometimes, I wish I could be more like those people who assume the worst about everyone. At least then they are not surprised when people end up screwing them over. With almost every relationship I've ever had, friend or more than a friend, I have made the same mistake. Every time, I remind myself that people are not always as good as they might fool you into thinking they are. Majority of the time, you are being manipulated into letting that person into your life, only to be let down in the future. But still, I continue to let negative people into my life, only to be disappointed when the relationship goes up in flames.
Though some might argue that the flaw is not in my character, but rather, in the character of those around me, it is fundamentally the same. There are terrible people in this world, though not all people are terrible. My problem is, I can not distinguish between the good people and the bad people. Instead, I give them all a chance, which typically ends in heartbreak. I could ask myself why these kinds of people are attracted to me and my life, but I wouldn't have an answer to that. The only thing I know for sure is that it seems like most of the people I let into my world turn out to be bad apples. I regret most friendships and relationships I've ever had.
How, you may ask, can one fix this sort of character flaw? I wish I knew. I wish I could see from the beginning what kind of person I was truly looking at, but sadly, I don't possess that ability. It appears that most take this for granted. They take my time for granted and they take me for granted. The only thing I know to do is to keep reminding myself that not everyone deserves a place in my life. I must pay more attention to the actions of others instead of falling for their words every time. Anyone can say the right things, but it takes a truly good person to follow up their words with actions. I can only hope that, in the future, I will be able to make better choices in friendships and relationships. I'm tired of always being let down. I'm tired of always letting myself down. So, there you have it. If I could change one thing about myself, it wouldn't really be about me at all, but about the way I perceive others.
