There are several reasons why I'm terrified of getting married. Most of them stem from what I observed my mother doing while I was growing up. Others stem from my own insecurities.
1. My mother.
Namely, she thought she needed a man to complete her. During my early developmental years, she was married to my sister's dad and there was a constant male presence in the house. However, they got divorced right before I started middle school and my romantically developmental years were spent watching my mom decided over and over again that she just couldn't make it on her own and had to have a man in her life.
2. Rape.
This is more of a reason for being terrified of men, not so much married. My mom let her boyfriend's cousin rape her because he took her out in the middle of nowhere and wouldn't take her home unless she had sex with him. Apparently I was molested by one of her boyfriends when I was little; my mom told me that story several times. Basically, I'm terrified of being jumped and raped. Which doesn't have very much to do with being married I guess, but as it's a reason I'm wary around men it has to do with it a little.
3. Commitment.
I'm scared of being dependent on someone who isn't my parent. I'm a ridiculously independent person and being financially and schedule-ally dependent on someone else scares me. Mainly I'm scared I'll resent whomever I happen to marry. But yeah, being dependent on someone is terrifying.
4. Love.
The Doctor says, "Love is a promise." But I'm really bad at keeping promises, and I'm scared of falling out of love with and/or losing interest in my spouse. I'm also kind of scared of us making our lives about our kids and forgetting each other in the process. I just don't want to be married to someone and wake up one day and realize I don't know them anymore.
All of these are real reasons I'm terrified of walking down the aisle and saying "I do." But there's one thing that makes all of these fears go away.
Image credit: Kaylee Gaines
This goofy idiot is my best friend, and I honestly couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else. If you've read one of my previous articles where I talk about sexuality, you'll know I identify as a demisexual, which means I don't feel romantically attracted to someone unless we have a good relationship as friends first. Well, this boy is the reason I want to get married and be dependent on someone. He's my bulwark, my companion, my protector, and the match to my soul. I don't want to do life without him, and I don't plan on having to. This is the one, huge reason I'm planning on walking down the aisle in a year and a half.
But who's counting?
