My first serious relationship ended because they lost feelings for me. For months we tried to make it work even though there were days they would admit the fact that they just didn’t like me anymore. By the end of the relationship, I was incredibly damaged. I was left with a constant wondering of what I had done wrong and what had changed in me that they didn't like. I never understood how someone could love you so deeply and somehow lose that love, until now.
Every time I read about a past relationship where someone’s feelings changed, it appears to be nothing but negative. It leaves the other person questioning or assuming that the feelings were never truly there. The relationship turns out to seem as though it was nothing but a lie. In my case, this is incredibly inaccurate.
You see, I believe we were meant to find each other. What we had was nothing I will ever experience again. When we met we were exactly what each other needed. You helped me in ways I could have never helped myself and I know that I did the same for you. I was nothing but honest about every emotion I ever felt. Every dream, hope, sorrow and plan was true at the time. When I said I wanted you to be the one, I truly meant it, at the time. Often times we say things in the moment that we truly believe in our hearts, but in reality, it is not fair to be held accountable for these words because we have no way of knowing what the future holds. Little did I know God had bigger plans.
It wasn’t until the end that I started to feel it. My feelings for you romantically were inching away day by day. It wasn’t that I was giving up or that you weren’t what I wanted anymore. It was that what we once were to each other, we were no more. I no longer needed you in the ways that I used to and whether you realized it or not, you no longer needed me. At this point we were only holding each other back.
I believe you were placed in my life for more reasons than I can ever understand. Feelings are a funny thing though. At the end of the day you can’t fake what your heart is telling you and mine was screaming for me to let you go. I can’t explain how it happened. I can explain why it happened. We were not made to be together forever. We were merely given each other to help us become the people we need to be for the ones we are meant to be with. You deserve a love that never ends, and even though I thought I could give that to you, it turned out to be something I wasn’t able to do. I’m not sorry for falling out of love with you. Even though it may have hurt at first, I have never looked back and not believed with all my heart that it was the right decision. No matter how you may feel or what you believe, I know that God has a greater plan than any we ever tried making for ourselves.
I am the person I am today greatly because of you. You gave me the confidence I needed in order to be everything I was created to be. Not only that, but you gave me hope again. Hope that true love exists and wasn’t just something I saw in the movies. Hope that one day someone could love me as much as you did and I will have the ability to love them back. Hope in your future and that you will not view our relationship negatively or hurt me the way my first relationship made me hurt.
Throughout our entire relationship I have never once lied and I’m sure not going to start now. So believe me when I say: it wasn’t your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it, and you did nothing wrong. You did not change, I did. It was all me. I realized that our time was not meant to last forever, but to show us how to cherish the time we were given together and never forget the bond we created. You deserve someone who appreciates the love you have to offer, because it is great. I may not have ended up being or doing the things that I claimed, but one day someone will. No matter what terms we may be on today, next week or next year, I will always be thankful for you.
