My freshman and sophomore year of college I was in marching band. I loved it.

Until I didn't.

Last year, my sophomore year, I had to have surgery, which effectively took me out of the field show for about half the season. I could march one song a show, and that was it. The rest of the time I was standing on the sidelines, playing my little heart out on my clarinet, even though no one could hear me.

This year, I was planning on only doing stand tunes because I still wanted to play and be a part of the band. However, I realized I just didn't have the heart for it anymore so I left. Part of it was also that I didn't have anyone to really talk to about marching band, because the last two years I'd had a different boyfriend who loved marching band even more than I did, which might have been part of the reason why I liked it so much. And when we broke up, literally everything about marching reminded me of him. So I left.

I didn't go to another football game until this past Saturday, because it was homecoming and I work for the school newspaper and wanted to write an article about it. My boyfriend and I left after the band performed, and it was a good thing we did. Watching their show broke my heart. Part of the reason I loved it so much was because I love performing. It gives me such a rush of pride and joy, and I truly miss it.

I completely quit band this year, and I regret it so much I had a dream last night about our band director putting together music for me so I could play with the band. I was a bit nostalgic, it's true, and rose-colored glasses are fogging my view of the band. But I just can't help but miss the rush that performing gave me. Maybe that's why I'm having so many issues emotionally this year.

If you wanna check out the majority of their show, with lovely commentary provided by myself and my boyfriend, you can find it on YouTube at this link. Enjoy!