As I prepare to leave for college, there is one phrase that I have found adults use -- and in many ways, overuse, when describing myself and others as they prepare to leave: "you are so independent." This phrase has been something pounded into me since I was born. As a female, I strongly identify with the struggle for young women to seek independence. That being said, independence is always something I have strived for. Not only did I seek independence on my own, but my parents also adopted a style of parenting that allowed me to be my own person, think my own thoughts, be whoever I chose to be in the world. I am very grateful to have grown up with the ability to define the terms of my life for myself, with the much needed assistance, guidance, and perspective of others.

Being a part of a generation that is so strongly characterized by this word, I have to ask, however: what is independence? Being such broad term, it can mean many different things. In many ways, yes. I as well as others are seemingly more independent than my parents or grandparents. The desire to be in a relationship and start a family by the age of 24 is really not all that present in my life. So, if you mean I am independent in my ability to seek other forms of identity outside of a physical relationship, I would agree. If you mean I am independent in my ability as a woman to think my own thoughts, speak my mind, and create my own path, I would also agree. But in a world where raising 'Miss Independents' is praised by some and unnecessary to others, we seem to be missing a key component to this ideology: What is independence? What are we teaching young women to seek independence from? And how are our attempts to teach independence failing?

Failing? Yes, failing. In many ways, failing miserably. That is because many of us miss the point. Seeking independence as a woman, in my mind, is far more than aspirations to have a successful career for myself or the ability to be who I am without a companion of sorts. Independence in the twenty-first century is the ability to be whoever you want however you want without constantly comparing your self-image, aspirations, and life to others. We are facing an independence crisis of sorts, one that has been inflamed by the pressures and presence of social media. This seems to be especially true for young women. As a female, I have observed and experienced this independence crisis first hand. It always amazes me when parents and peers are so in favor of "being who you want to be" until you want to be something outside of the societal norms. This is manifested in a wide variety of forms: fashion choices, career aspirations, dreams you maintain, activities you enjoy, and in my opinion, the biggest culprit of all for young women, the way you look.

In the face of this independence crisis, I propose a societal shift in our understanding of independence. The new independence we should be encouraging is the ability to be a little different. Be a little more you, in spite of what social media or others tell you. Does that mean we should abandon the ideals of independence that are geared toward encouraging the career woman or a female future? Absolutely not. What it does mean, however, is that in the midst of these things, we should encourage independence in the form of individuality and nonconformity. While our parents' generation may have struggled with the pressure to get married by 25, Millennials struggle with the pressure to live a life worthy of social fame. While I love to write and I love to eat healthy, I am a far stretch from being anywhere close to a seemingly perfect Instagram fit-blogger that obsesses about her hair and what she eats: let's be honest, I love my waffles and ice cream way too much for that. That being said, I, just as the 12-year-old sitting next to me looks at that and sees someone that is praised for being x,y, or z. The simple fact is, we praise these individuals who are fundamentally different from us. Individuals that we, as much as we try, will never be. We wish to identify as something we are not because we are told that they are what we should strive to be, from what we wear to what we eat to what we post. How is that independence?

I think we all try to embrace independence. But there are ways we can better embrace independence in the face of a world that asks us to conform. Independence and uniqueness are in many ways synonymous. Seek a little more independence from the expectations and ways of the world around you and spend time embracing in yourself and others the things that make us unique and independent. Miss Independent, it is time for you to be a little more you.