My mother got married when I was 11 years old. The man she married held backwards beliefs and I was told to respect him even though he was only 14 years older than me. But fine. I did.
I did and he cheated on my mom while she was pregnant. I was told to mind my own business while he viewed women as objects which is why any time a man comes to our house for something as simple as an appliance repair he herds every one of them into a room and shuts the door. I was told that he was my step-father, the bread-winner, as he treated us like novelties with expiration dates that justified why he didn't venture into public with my mother for fear that he would be associated with an older woman, a rotten glass of milk that had only made his citizenship in the country possible. I was hushed for causing conflicts as he criticized my mother's parenting after the experience of raising two children; he had raised none. I was told not to be so sensitive as he made derogatory comments while watching television about people of color, women, and the LGBT community. I was told not to interfere as he embodied the textbook definition of emotional abuse and took my mother's credit cards away. I was kicked out of his rented apartment, being labelled disrespectful, thanking God that brown families are big and statistically someone would and did take me in, after spending 18 years trying to be the perfect, obedient child all while struggling with mental illness and I raised my voice and he raised his and though he never struck me physically, I wish he did so I would have a reason to strike back.
My step-father is merely a symbol of all those individuals who enrage me every moment of my life who demand respect while they do not display it themselves. Respect can be meant as "treat me like an authority" or "treat me like a person" but I will not treat someone like an authority who will not treat me like a person. Respect is something to be earned and I will never respect someone who disrespects me, my identities, and the millions of people who share them including my mother, a woman.
