As a kid I was very, very shy. Anytime a person approached my family and I, I would run my tiny little self behind my mom and peek at them from behind her thigh. But the older I got and the more I moved around, I learned to "suck it up." Being on the soccer team in elementary and middle school helped me learn about teamwork, how to be social, and that people aren't really that scary after all. I went from being scared of people even looking at me, to engaging in conversation with any and everybody who could get a word in.
But what I didn't know is that people, despite being told what boundaries not to cross, can leap over those boundaries in a heartbeat and push you to the point of constant paranoia. Here is how my stalker taught me that being a social butterfly isn't always ideal.
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It started off totally innocent. I walked by him, phone in hand and eyeballs attached to the screen, when I heard him mutter, "so you not gon' come talk to me?"
Typically, I would have never given someone who started a conversation like that the light of day, but there was something so casual, smooth, and collected about his tone that I just couldn't resist. The conversation was dull and predictable (he asked me where I was headed, asked for my number, and after I had given it to him, told me to keep in touch... Typical guy hitting on girl bullshit.) But what I didn't know was just how deep of a hole I had dug myself.
The day had progressed and I thought very little about our exchange. No text came in, no call, and to be perfectly honest, I had forgotten about his entire existence. So to my surprise, as I walked by that exact same spot the next morning, I heard that same smooth, cool voice say, "Why didn't you respond to my text?"
I rolled my eyes sharply as I showed him that I had never received any messages from him
"Wow.. you must have given me a wrong number on purpose," he said, seeming a little peeved. After almost a full minute of apologies and me trying to convince him it was purely accidental, I texted him my actual number on the spot, told him I was late for class, and left his sight.
That night the texts came in, and he eventually called me to talk. Within that phone call I learned quite a bit about him. He'd told me that he had no car and would hang out in the spot we had met at every day until his mom got off of work, told me he was taking four classes at my school, and that he wanted to be a singer. Being a singer myself, I was drawn to him by that fact alone.We ended up texting every minute of every day for a week straight and even began to meet up for lunch.
But here's where the shit hit the fan.
About two weeks into us talking, he had asked me to come see him at around 3 in the morning. I tried my hardest to ignore it, sent it to voicemail several times, but eventually the phone calls became so excessive that I felt I had no choice but to answer. After telling me he had borrowed his grandmother's car and was riding around the city, he began to beg me to sneak out of my house so that we could "Netflix and chill." After trying to tell him that 1. my parents were super strict and there was no way I was going to be able to leave the house at that hour 2. even if I managed to get out, they would hear him pull out of the driveway and 3. I simply did not want to, he grew very upset. I was called every name in the book and hung up on, just to be called back six more times. There was even a point in time when I walked down my stairs just so he could hear me open the door. I pretended that I had tried my hardest to meet up with him and that my parents had asked where I was going. He believed me and hung up for the final time. Annoyed and very exhausted, I instantly went to bed and passed out.
The next morning we had planned on going to the gym together, and he asked for my address so that he could come by and pick me up in his grandmother's car, but after waiting almost an hour, I finally received a text that he was unable to get the car. I thought to myself, "no problem, I'll just go get him," completely ignoring the fact that I had still given him my address.
We hung out, and actually had a pretty nice time. He told me about his family life, how rough he'd had it growing up, and that singing had brought him out of a pretty awful time in his life. The day progressed, we got hungry, and this is another sign that told me I had to get out of the situation.
He asked if we could stop by Mcdonald's for a quick bite, and I, of course, had no problem with that. We waited in a typical Mcdonald's line; long, but fast-moving. When it came time to order, I told him I didn't want him to spend any money on me, and he FLIPPED. He told me how annoying I was, how stupid I was, how disrespectful I was being etc. Feeling very uncomfortable, I looked around and saw many eyes working their way from me to him. When his order was ready, they ended up messing up his drink and after the cashier went to the back to get him a fresh one, he yelled at her for "not making the drink in front of him so he could see her do it" and poured the drink out in a parking space on the way out.
Mortified by his behavior, I cut him off cold turkey. But a few days later, the texts just kept coming in and he ended up harassing me at not only school (following me to class) but he also walked past my office multiple times, came into my other job just to look at some clothes (mind you, this was a women's clothing store that carried literally zero men's clothes), and even showed up at MY HOUSE.
The threats were terrifying. The voicemails were brief and profanity riddled. The texts were vile and relentless.
After coming into my job for the last time, he asked why I had stopped texting him and I gave him the most straight forward answer I could. He was visibly angry with my response and left the store in a huff. Annoyed and a little bit shaken, I tried my best to return to my work and my manager told me she'd keep an eye out for him. For the next couple hours of my shift, he walked in and out of the store asking to talk to me, and each time he did, my coworkers would step in to tell him to leave, but eventually I had to hide in the fitting rooms until he left. My coworkers told me that he would come in and ask why I wouldn't talk to him, what time I would be getting off, and even to tell me that he misses me. I was terrified.
We watched from the window as he tried his best to get my attention. He tapped on the windows of the store, circled the parking lot multiple times, and even stood next to my car for a few minutes. At the end of my shift, my manager walked with me to my car, and on the windshield was a hastily written note filled with apologies, how much he missed me, and his number so that I could text him.
After deciding that enough was enough, I went to report him at my school and, to my surprise, was told that he had never even APPLIED to the school, nor was he enrolled in any classes.
I know what you're thinking: "is this thing over yet?" Well the answer to that is: YES... kinda.
Days, weeks, and eventually months had gone by and there was no trace of him. I almost would have thought that he was a figment of my imagination if so many other people in my life hadn't confirmed his existence. But as a result of the entire ordeal, I learned so much about not only myself, but just how dangerous my social butterfly personality can be.
What started off as me just trying to be nice and give him the benefit of the doubt turned into a two-month ordeal, and if I had kept waiting to report him, things could have gotten so much worse.
