I am not good when it comes to the whole talk-about-your-feelings-thing. I like to keep them to myself, but I learned that it is important to share them every once in a while

So here I am, sharing my feelings, for everybody to read and judge.

You have to understand, I am the kind of person who had trouble saying "I love you too," when somebody announced their feelings to me. I would just awkwardly stand there, look at them, smile and say thank you. That's the kind of person I am, I say thank you when somebody tells me they love me. I mean, who does that?

Loving somebody, makes you vulnerable. You hand your heart over to somebody, hoping that they won't give it back to you. It is a scary thought, that you make somebody into your everything, that you give somebody else the permission to destroy you completely.

What I am trying to say is, I am not good when it comes to expressing the love I have for you.

At least, I wasn't. Until I met her. Until I realized, that it is okay to lose control. That life isn't just black and white and that love and pain don't necessarily have to go hand in hand.

What I am trying to say is, you might think you are not able to express feelings. You might think you will never be able to trust somebody completely and you might be convinced that love simply isn't for you.

Let me tell you something, you are wrong.

Because one day you will meet somebody and they will make you realize that love is the most beautiful thing there is.

Suddenly I enjoy love, I am no longer scared of it. I welcome it with open arms. I want, even need it in my life.

I turned from somebody who said thank you to people telling her they love her, into somebody who writes cheesy paragraphs about love, who says 'I love you' a million times a day.

I turned into everything I said I would never ever be. And yet, I am completely okay with it.

If losing control and being vulnerable feels like that, I don't ever want to go a day without it.

Now, don't think I am foolish. Don't for one second assume, love turned me into somebody who can't make a difference between reality and a fairy tail. I am well aware of the fact, that love isn't always roses and rainbows and butterflies in your stomach.

I used to be like a lake, high up in the mountains. There was nothing but peace and quiet. There was nobody I had to worry about, but myself. Now, the lake got replaced by a storm. And instead of feeling bothered and disturbed by it, I am loving it. I am craving it. I constantly want more.

Around me is nothing but chaos, yet I have no trouble to be completely calm. Because nothing else matters when I am with her. When she looks at me and tells me, that I am everything she ever wanted and needs. Nothing matters, when she calls me in the middle of the night, to tell me she misses me.

She taught me, that you can't control everything, especially feelings. She taught me, that it's okay to fall every once in a while and that she is right there to catch me. She taught me, that I can't control the storm, but that the damage is something we can manage together.

I know now, that I can't keep my heart safe all the time. I know that I have to take risks, if I want to experience what living life to the fullest really means.

Love is a disaster, but it is the most beautiful one I have ever seen.