"Why do you keep overthinking everything? Why do you do this to yourself? You would be so much happier if you just stopped overthinking everything."
If you know someone who overthinks, you have probably said this to them maybe once or twice in one day. Now, what you probably don't know is that those who overthink do not ask for it and do not wish it upon themselves for this to happen. As someone who overthinks everything, it's really hard to describe and the only way to understand is to go through the mind of someone who does.
Example Situation: Meeting a new person.
It's a normal, ordinary day and you see someone you want to say hi to and hopefully make conversation with. Before we have even said anything to you, we have already thought of about at least three different ways this meeting could go. If we say one thing, this could mean this friendship will go in a good way or a bad way. If we mention what they are wearing, will they even comment back or will this help bring up a conversation?
Example Situation: Meeting your admissions counselor or professor
Now, these two situations may be different, but do not think that us overthinkers have not already created a plan on how to approach this. With an admissions counselor we are probably wondering: are they really helping me? Are they going to be there for me? She looks so young; does she know what she is doing? What if I say something wrong and she doesn't admit me for that reason? Am I allowed to wear a hoodie from another school to my meeting?
Now, when it comes to meeting professors, it can be a little different. Do I go to class early to make a good impression? How will their tests be? I am horrible with word problems, so I hope they don't have word problems. How will they do homework? Will they grade homework? Will there be a project? I hope a test does not land on a night where I am performing for another grade!
Example Situation: Getting into a relationship
This one can be pretty tricky because there is either a little questioning or a lot of questioning. So you start off with what happens when you have a crush on someone. Do they actually like me? Will they like me once they know everything about me? Then the text comes in from them, "Hey. How's it going?" And then more questions flood into your head...Wait, what do I say back? I need to answer fast! Oh no! Have I waited too long? Text something back! "Just watching Netflix. How about you?" Is that a good enough answer? What if he thinks I'm lame? 'Oh nice! What show are you watching?" The relief is now slowly going away and you can enjoy what could be a start of a beautiful beginning!
Now, let's skip to a couple of days, weeks, or months when they finally ask you to be their significant other. Is this happening? Did they just ask me to be with them? I hope I'm making the right decision. I trust him enough to say yes, so I will say yes.
Do you see the pattern? It just happens. Sometimes it's hard to turn off the switch when we are so used to having it on. We do not want to assume the worse in a situation, but it jumps right out like it is meant to be there. As someone who overthinks, I wish my brain did not jump to so many conclusions so quickly.
Next time you see someone overthinking or seeing them freak out, do not tell them to just let it go and calm down. They may shut down and overthink even more. Listen to what they have to say because talking about it may help them come to an answer quicker. Be there for them so they know they are not alone.
