I am the Lonely Friend.

I'm your friend who knows she has so many people who care and love her so very deeply and would be devastated if anything happened to her.

But I am so lonely.

I love and care for each and every one of my friends and loved ones, but when I go on my social media accounts like Facebook and Instagram and see my friends all enjoying themselves with each other and I am not there, I feel sad because I know I am the Lonely Friend and they can't see it.

I know nobody intends to hurt me by not being with me but when I see my friends with each other and not getting at least a text message saying "hello," I go into a sudden spiral of depression that causes me to cry and feel even more alone for long periods of time.

But as the Lonely Friend, I know I need to hide that I am the Lonely Friend, because according to society I should feel happy to at least have friends because some people have it worse off than I do. But I am a social being and I am sad and alone and angry with myself for not being able to be the friend who messages "hello" first, which makes me even more of the Lonely Friend.

I will not share my feelings of sadness with my friends because even though I know one hundred percent that they care about me and how I'm feeling, I don't want them to feel like they are the reason for my role as the Lonely Friend.

I watch as my friends go out and have fun together or with their friends from their hometowns and high schools while I sit at home or go to work because I don't talk to people from high school. I moved to a new town so I don't have any friends when I go home so I throw myself into any work I can get and create future academic plans so that I don't feel as, what I could best describe as, "behind" of my friends.

I sit and I listen to my friends talking about plans they are making together like going to restaurants or going out for ice cream while I sit right next to them, and I'm too afraid to ask if I can go with them because I fear they may think I am rude for wanting to go get ice cream with them. But then as soon as they leave and I am all by myself in the same spot, I am hurt so badly that I need to leave and go back to my room for fear of crying in public because then everyone will know that I am the Lonely Friend!

I am the Lonely Friend because I say to some of my friends "we should hang out again soon!" and they feel the same way, or at least that's what they say and then I never see them or talk to them about it again for months because they are hanging out with other people, who are their friends or also mutual friends with me.

I appear to have many close friends and do a lot with them but in reality I'm too afraid to even ask if I can hang out with them so I end up alone. I want to be able to tell my friends that I am alone with my thoughts so often and just want to be with another human being! I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I am the Lonely Friend and I just want to be thought about occasionally!

I want to be able to go out with my friends and have photos of the memories I've shared with all my friends but I can't because I am normally the one who is holding the phone's camera for everyone else to be in the photo. I can remember photos being taken of me with groups of friends but somehow I never see them afterwards with me even in the photo.

I am the Lonely Friend and I just want to feel like I belong with people because when I am with my friends, I feel like they care more about talking to each other or other people and pretending I'm not there! Yes, I have common interests with them, and maybe we're even in the same clubs or field of study, but I feel like I am not there when I'm with my friends.

Maybe I should try to start the conversations you'd say, but whenever I do, the responses are very brief and not thought about in much depth, and typically there's silence between me and the friend(s).

And there are so many factors into being the Lonely Friend that I haven't even started to list because the reasons are so very different for each and every person who is designated as the friend who is always alone.

I want to be the friend who is invited to get ice cream, and I want to be the friend who can start the in depth conversations. I want to be the friend who isn't afraid to share her emotions and is able to be in the group photos and have memories of all the things she does with her friends. I want to be the friend who messages "hello" first!

But these are only a handful of reasons as to why I am the Lonely Friend!