According to Wikipedia, "ornithophobia" is "an irrational fear of birds." The origin of the word ornitho is Greek (meaning bird) and phobia is Greek (meaning fear). *Spoken in a heavy, Greek accent courtesy of Gus Portokalos*: "Ornitho and phobia equals ornithophobia, which means fear of birds, there you go."
Yup, I remember this day perfectly, just as perfect as my smile which actually isn't perfect due to the fact that I willingly choose not to wear my retainer every night when I go to bed. Anyway, this article isn't supposed to be about my past with orthodonture. It's about...are you ready for this? The day I became an ornithophobe.
So, just like any normal day of a kindergartener, my mom decided to take me to the Ridgewood Duck Pond to you know, "feed the duckies." Please, don't act like you've never said that one before. OK. Continuing. We pulled up into the parking lot, and me with my sparkly blue, painted fingernails, grabbed the entire, freakin' bag of Toufayan Pita to you know, "feed the duckies." Oh those cute, fluffy, yellow little devils—*clears throat*—I mean duckies.
This is what they want you to think.
So after we got out of the car, my mom told me to take the pita bread, and can you guess? "Feed the duckies," while she got our lunch and blanket from out of the trunk of the car. OK, now feeding birds, that were smaller than any human being, did not seem like such a life-threatening task to me...that's what they all say.
Things are going to get scary. Do not say you weren't warned. Like any child would, I unraveled the plastic bag that was holding the pita bread and I took a little piece out so I could feed it to the ducklings. OK, doing this really isn't rocket science, but it is threatening to a mother duck if you're standing too close to her little ones.
To make things even better, like I'm serious, to add the cherry on top, of all things during this moment, I decided to be the biggest klutz ever, and trip over... a tree stump. Yeah. Did you catch that? A tree stump.
Wait, I lied. This is what made the moment even better, and was the trigger to all things scary, birds, and Nina. Now, I'm not a duck so I wouldn't know, but this giant mother duck decided to charge me and literally bite me...so hard.
One question: Why are you biting me when I have a whole bag of Toufayan Pita? No sir, I would rather do physics homework for the rest of my life than to be slightly near a bird of any sort. No thanks.
Yours truly,
An ornithophobe
This is the reality.
