We were made best friends because the Lord knew our mothers couldn't handle us as sisters. That was us almost 9 years ago. We met for the very first time in 4th grade, or maybe it was 5th. We did everything together from playing games to sharing secrets, doing homework together, and hanging out. We would spend days together at a time just being kids. Eventually, we grew up through middle school. We went to football games together and dances. We even joined band together.
I remember one day in middle school you spent the night at my house and it was around Valentine's Day. My mom or somebody gave us a bunch of boxes of those little sweetheart candies. We ate them all in one night and we got so hyper, laughing all night long about anything and everything. We also had a few fights, usually over something one of us said or did. There was even the occasional fight over a boy or two but we always made things right and just like that we were best friends again.
Through everything I had to deal with, you were always there for me. You held me when I cried and told me things were going to be okay, assuring me things would get better. Then came high school; freshman year wasn't so bad but I started seeing less and less of you. I didn't understand why, but I also didn't take the time to ask why. Things stopped cold. We stopped going to football games and even just hanging out.
Then came our sophomore year and seeing you was something I just never got to do. I ended up getting so caught up in my own life that I stopped caring about where you were or what was going on. And that is my fault. But it's not just my fault. High school wasn't easy and you were all I had until you abandoned me. That is how I felt: like you abandoned me, you left me by myself to go through high school. I envied you. I would almost go as far as to say that I hated you. But I didn't learn the truth until years later about what was happening to you and now I hate myself.
After I learned of the pain you were going through with headaches and lumbar punctures, I found out your battle was so much more than I had ever thought it was. I know saying that I'm sorry will never be enough to take away the pain of what you went through. I know it won't take away the pain of losing your best friend but maybe it will bring a little bit of peace or closure whichever it may be. Just know that ever since I found out what happened to you I began hating myself. I need a way to forgive myself and maybe in all of this, you'll find a way to forgive me too.
