There I was standing in the doorway of hopelessness. The darkness was drawing near, seeking to destroy the very nature of light. It took hold of my thoughts. I found myself uttering foolish words, and losing myself to those around me. They whispered, “Come hither,” and hither I came. What was once seen became unseen; once loved, unloved; and once bright, dreary. Something powerful was capturing my soul, but it was a grotesque omnipotence. Where was He?
A fog masked my vision of truth. As I looked around me, faces of unbelief grasped my attention. Sin became a formality; it was in my every action, thought, and even subconscious. I was overwhelmed with a grave disbelief in myself to overcome the evil of the world. From dawn to dusk, I was unable to escape the doubt of what is good. Where was He?
On one December morning, I was disturbed by a feeling of anxiousness. Something was awry, skewed. The floors were colder to the touch, the windows seemed to form an odd array of cracks, and gravity seemed to levitate itself. The most peculiar thing of the day was that for the first time in over 20 years, I received a letter. Was this from Him?
A blue seal tarnished the outside of the envelope. It mocked me with great temptation. The handwriting on the front of the envelope was written in a divine, gold cursive ink. Three hours had passed as I sat in a chair next to the fire contemplating the letter’s contents. Anger betrothed me to nearly throw the letter into the fire. It was from Him.
I slowly peeled the envelope open, the intensity of the unknown words building inside of me. I opened each fold with astonishing anxiety. I was bewildered, for the only word visible was in the top left corner: “Faith.” I scrambled to the fire, holding the letter closer as I hoped for the light of the flames to reveal some sort of invisible words. In that moment, I experienced desire for hope as a hopeless soul. I was left with one word from Him.
The sun disappeared from the horizon, and night fell with a heavy burden. I meandered through the halls, questioning the word that struck me with such fear. I rested for some hours, awoke by a quarter to midnight, and returned to my deciphering of the word. A confusion cloaked my thoughts, when suddenly a knock on my wooden door startled me. I arose, pacing my way to the entrance. Without hesitation, I opened the door and found nothing. Glancing around, I became aware that perhaps it was my imagination. Again, I returned to my state of decoding, and there it was…A knock. I approached the entrance with more hesitation this time, and opened the door: nothing. I told myself that this really was tom-foolery. Yet again, I returned to my quest.
Just a few more seconds elapsed until the third knock. This time, I refused to answer. I waited and waited…a fourth knock, fifth, sixth, building up to ten knocks total. The knocking finally ceased. Silence found its way through the maze of noise, but now I ached for the knocking. I quickly ran to the door, and upon yanking it open there was a man. We stared at each other for what seemed half an hour, until he smiled, and said, “Try reading the letter one more time.” As soon as I mustered up the courage to speak, he began to depart from the foot of my door.
What a strange occurrence, I thought to myself. I made my way back to the chair where the letter sat. I opened the folds once again, and was amazed to discover ten numbers with what seemed to be laws written next to them. The title now read, “By Grace, Through Faith.” As I began to read each law, I felt the darkness deploy into the fire before me. The floor grew warmer. The windows burst with freedom from the pressure. Gravity returned to its natural hold on me. Light was resurrecting itself within me, and there it was that I gained what I so desired for: hope. He saved me.
