There are so many ways I could go about this. I could write it as any other typical "letter to my ex." I could make it short or sweet. I could not write it at all. But, I have reached a point in my life that I won't care if you see this, and I won't care if this type of letter is overdone. I never got my chance to truly say everything that I felt, and sometimes still feel. And since the date will never leave my mind and is coming up, this is my chance.

Never again will I apologize for being the one who isn't good enough. Never again will I let someone make me think that I'm not special. Never again will I be made to believe that everything is my fault. Never again will I let someone treat me the way you treated me.

I gave up so many things for you. I dedicated so much of my time to you. And yet, I feel like that was all it was most of the time. Just me giving everything, and you taking it for granted.

You never really fell in love with the real me. You fell in love with the thought of me. You fell for the chase because I didn't give in at first. It took you about two years for me to be yours. I gave you two years in return. I don't recognize who that person was anymore. That girl is no longer here.

I should have realized what everyone was telling me. I should have listened to my friends when they told me things weren't right. I should have been able to tell the difference between you "joking with me" and being emotionally and verbally abusive. Your words hurt. They affected me in ways I had never expected. You confused me constantly and on purpose. You used that to your advantage.

What I had thought was love, trust, and honesty was not what I had been shown. You thought that just because you "had me" that you didn't have to try anymore to keep me. You could do anything you wanted to, and I stayed because I was afraid that no one else would love me. So I dealt with all the nights, staying up crying and having panic attacks over a stupid fight. I let you control most of what I did. I let you try to affect me and my friendships. I wasn't going to get my first tattoo because you wanted to break up with me for it. You thought you had control over decisions with my body, even my hair.

How does it feel to know that you completely destroyed me? Because I told you that you did. You admitted to it. Are you proud? Is that how you treat other girls you meet? And how does it feel to constantly feel like you messed up? Because I knew what that felt like. That's what I felt every time we fought. And I always gave in and let you win. Because I would get reminded of everything I did wrong.

Why did it take you another two years, again, to somewhat understand everything that you did? Why couldn't you give me that time to heal? You gave me no time. You kept messaging me only two days after we broke up. You kept trying until you decided that it was my fault and that you were the only one who was going to be angry. Because I wasn't "allowed" to feel like that. You broke up with me nine months into the relationship and unintentionally made me miss school for two days because I was physically ill from you breaking my heart. You took me back three days later. And then whenever we had an issue, you were the one who wanted a break. But I couldn't ask for a break. Because the one time I did, you thought the worst of me. Then we had agreed to a mutual breakup, and you turned it around on me because you couldn't let me go. You had me under your lock and key, against my wishes. You decided to remind me every couple months that you still loved me, and you wanted me back. And no matter what I would do, you couldn't leave me alone. I couldn't have my own space. I haven't had a straight year of not speaking to you because you keep trying to say you understand what I went through. Well, guess what?

You will never understand how I felt, or what I experienced. Never.

You cannot sit around thinking that you will understand. Because you still don't fully understand everything you did. I don't think you will. All I hope is that you learned.

So thank you for making me realize what I really deserve. For helping me see that you were not the one for me. For helping me learn how to grow from all the pain you caused me. Because it took almost everything in my entire being to get over you.

I had a hard time trusting people because of you. I constantly sought out people who I knew would treat me like you would. I had to grow a bigger backbone and learn how to not let people walk over me and use me.

We had a few good moments. But because the bad outweighed the good, I can't remember them. I like to think that you weren't that bad of a person. Because even after everything, I still sometimes give you the benefit of the doubt. Even though you may not deserve it. But that's the kind of person I am. I don't forgive you for a lot, but I don't hate you. I accepted your many apologies, but I don't know if I fully believed some of them. But I know you put in effort for them.

I've given you a piece of my mind whenever you've tried to talk to me. Some I immediately reacted on and those were focused on anger. Some I waited on responding so that you could understand what I really meant. As I write this, I'm calm. I have no real animosity in this, and don't intend on making this seem like I'm openly bashing you. Because I have said worse things to you. And you've taken them. These are the things that I should have said a while ago. I was too afraid to, because I still thought of how you would feel and if it would upset you.

But I don't know if you'll see this. I don't know how you would react. But that isn't really my main concern.

In the end, I hope one day you find happiness. And I hope you know better now. Because you won't find it with me. And it isn't something that you should have to constantly chase. I know I'll find someone who treats me how I deserve, and I'll know between the good and the bad. I have finally stopped looking for you in everyone I meet. And I hope you've done the same.

Thank you for trying, but I don't thank you for the outcome.