I was so tired

and it wasn’t anything sleep could fix

I was stuck on a rollercoaster and everyone had the chance to get off of except for me

and these boys were calling my phone late at night, they were miles away

I was so tired of them, I didn’t know what they wanted

I still don’t

laying in front of you, I’m your sleepy day dream of a girl

but not your dream girl

weak enough for you to take advantage of

dependent enough to need to be taken advantage of

and the lines between being cared for and being used started to blur underneath sleep deprived eyes

god, I was just so tired of it

keeping roses between my skin pushing my knees closer and closer together

the thorns started digging under my skin

blood thick as cough syrup started covering my legs and somehow you managed to keep your hands clean

smelling like bleach and freedom

I was coughing up a lung and you still had the energy of a child

waking up in the morning was hard, it was hard even when I was next to you

I woke up tired, even when we were sleeping till one in the afternoon

there was a weight on my shoulders, my feet, the head

I couldn’t even stand up straight

just moving felt like going to hell and back

boys like him liked to play pretend, but bloody noses

broken hearts and bruised knuckles were real as this fuzzy cloud of exhaustion that swallowed me whole

please come here

come to bed I am so tired and I can’t sleep

I cannot sleep without your hands in my hair

or your chest under my head

god, no I can’t sleep at all

I go to sleep so happy and I’ll wake up so sad

I can’t sleep at night and I can’t stay awake in the day

what do these boys want from me

I’m just so tired

I’m so tired