After long days of weighing the pros and cons and the endless mental battles I’ve had while trying to convince myself to stay at my current school, I gave in to the feeling deep down inside of me that was telling me to transfer. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be that kid, the one that didn’t have it all figured out. The one who had to transfer in the middle of their college journey -- the one who might be considered an ‘outsider’ in the process. But here I am, balancing the stresses that come with week 8 with the stresses of trying to get in to the community college classes I need in order to finally apply to the school that will be my new home. And let me tell you, there are nights when it is so overwhelming that my mind becomes blank and I simply don’t think I have the mental capacity or energy to continue going through this process of uprooting my entire life and starting from scratch. Some days, I get intimidated by the thought of the ‘unknown’ and my very ambiguous future, that, at one point, seemed so set and stable. But then, I close my eyes and imagine the end goal. I imagine being at my new school and being happy with my decision. I imagine having a major that I truly love and feel passionate toward and I imagine myself with more motivation than I ever thought I could have. And that is what gets me through the challenging moments.
I am currently a psychology and social behavior major and until recently, I thought I would just get my degree in three years and start the process of becoming a licensed clinician. However, the more classes I took and the more self-reflection I engaged in, I realized that I was just not happy anymore. I have a lot of love for psychology and it still really fascinates me, but I came to the realization that having an interest in something is very different than being passionate about it. At this point, I came to terms with the fact that my real passion lies in food and nutrition and because UCI doesn’t have a food & dietetics program, staying here just didn’t seem like an option anymore.
If you’re in the same situation as I am, just know that the dread and anticipation of the ‘unknown’ is not a feeling that is exclusive to you -- I assure you that I feel it as well. You are not alone. In fact, taking this big leap of faith into the unknown is a very commendable act that not many people have the courage to take. Don’t stay stuck in a situation that isn’t making you happy anymore. Take control of your future and if something doesn’t feel right, identify the causal factor and make an active change because no one else is going to do it for you. In fact, no one else may even know if you’re feeling this way! If you don’t explore your options, those options are slowly going to fade away and you may end up stuck doing something that you’re not completely in love with. And what’s the point of wasting time, energy, money when you’re simply not happy?
In the grand scheme of things, we never really know how our lives are going to end up and what roads will suddenly manifest in our lives. As you grow into yourself as a person and go through more and more experiences, your interests and your passions gradually shift and as a consequence, different roads may sprout up around you, pleading you to consider them. And you should! Realize that what may seem scary in the moment, may be the best decision for you in the long run.
Yes, I am scared and yes, I am going to miss the campus I am at, the certain routines I’ve adopted, and the amazing friends I’ve made along the way. As much as the reality of leaving makes me sad, it makes me hopeful as well. At the end of the day, some chapters are meant to end a little earlier than others but that doesn’t mean they were any less important, or any less impactful than previous chapters or chapters yet to come. I haven’t been able to say this in a long time, but now I finally can -- I am so excited for the future and I can’t wait to be doing something that I love.
