A few months ago, I was in a life altering car accident. A woman carelessly blew through a red light and slammed into my car at 55mph. That car accident took me back to a dark place. Because of circumstances outside of my control, life quickly became very very hard.
I struggled to think clearly, the world spun, the slightest exertion left me throwing up and half conscious and the chemical burns on my arm created a constant pain. At this time, I found myself giving up.
On the third week that I found myself on bed rest, I got an email from a student at my university (GO PACK) reminding me that I was to give a Tuff Talk (Student Ted Talk) on a pre-selected topic in a weeks time.
The topic?
The Pursuit of Happiness.
My heart sank. When I submitted my pitch for the talk I was in a great place. School, work, and social life were all well balanced. I was happy and life seemed to be in perfect harmony.
I remember chirping on merrily about how the pursuit of happiness is as simple as accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are.
Easy enough to do when life is great, but how was I supposed to do that when my worst nightmares had come to fruition and I had been catapulted back in time to the days before I found my perfect balance in recovery.
I'm proud to say that I am not, and I have never been, a quitter, so I did not back down.
When it came time to submit my powerpoint for approval, I said I didn't have one for my talk. The truth was, I had no idea what I was going to get up on that stage and say.
My therapist, who I trust more than anyone in this world told me a few days before to just do what I always do, and tell the truth.
So I got up on that stage and I told the truth. I said that I was angry. That life was unfair. That I had fought and fought my way to "happiness" only to have it snatched away again.
And as I spoke, I realized something. Happiness is not just an emotion. It's a state of mind. It is making the conscious choice to accept the cards you've been dealt and to make the best of them.
To accept yourself as you are and offer yourself love and compassion instead of frustration and criticism.
Thinking of pursuing happiness in that way changed how I looked at my current situation. Yes: life is tough, and I am struggling. Yes: my health is not in perfect order and I have a lot going on. But I can still find joy in the little things. As I fight to improve my situation, I can accept where I'm at and not let it tear me down, but rather motivate me to climb even higher.
So don't give up, and don't stop fighting, but also give yourself a break, and choose happy.
