In the past six months, I have been dealing with a rollercoaster of emotion. I am constantly trying to decide who I am after the dust has settled. It is not easy since I am always trying to figure out how to navigate life in a place I never thought I would be.
Honestly, I had an expectation that I would be graduating in May of this year, I would have a Bachelor's degree in English, and I would find a job that I loved where I would be writing 24/7.
Now, I am a full-time worker and online student. I am a Human Services Major with a passion for domestic violence and sexual assault victims. I would graduate until 2019.
My life changed dramatically in such a short time that it left me feeling like a shell of myself. So, I have been on a quest to find out who I am. My journey started with crying. I cried a lot over so, so many things. I cried over what I had lost, what I wanted that wasn't going to happen, and where things were going to go.
Then, came the rebel phase. I had my hair chopped off to my chin and I had never felt so powerful in my life. I got a tattoo on my foot, which almost made me pass out. I bought a brand new car and two guinea pigs, which I love more than life. For months, I just kept buying things.
Eventually, I fell in love with life. I started lingering outside at night to look up at the stars. When I would get paid, I would spend money to make people smile. I could finally lay down without feeling scared to open my eyes.
Over six months, the phases have now ended and I am left with one question, "who am I?" I've lost so much, I have been through so much hurt, I have left behind a lot of things to claw my way back to happiness, but then it hit me. The girl I was ten years ago, she never left.
I am still so awkward. You can ask my boyfriend, I constantly accept the fact that I am a little weird and I love that about myself. I love animals more than I love a lot of things. In fact, I have two guinea pigs, three dogs, and I only want more animals. Every part of me wants to give them everything they need.
I am stronger than I ever knew. That's a story for another day, but I have fought to save myself when nobody else around me would. I am loving. Every day, I find myself giving 110% of myself away to everyone because I know how hard life can be and I want to be there for everyone I can.
Things are still confusing in my life and I have no idea who I will be years from now, but I have finally figured out that I am going to change all the time, but I am going to furiously fight to be myself because I deserve to be happy.
Take my advice: you are going to go through so much in your life, but promise yourself that you will always make sure you are being honest and true to yourself. Every day, you have to be proud of the person you have become because you have earned the smile on your face. Be proud of who you are.
